Breaking Commitment to God...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2007
Breaking Commitment to God...
45
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 3:03pm
Does anyone have a problem breaking their commitment to God? I think I care more about that than hurting my husband and family. Any other Christians struggling with this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 11:36am

what, I really loved your post. I am not a religious person at all, but I struggled with the "to death do us part" portion of the vows.

I see marriage as a contract of sorts....with your spouse, and in most cases, with God. As with any contract, there has to be a way out if the other party is not adhering to the contract (ie - alcoholism, neglect, adultery, emotional or financial abuse, etc.). I don't think that the vows of marriage were created in order to make a person endure endless years of misery and suffering.




Edited 6/3/2007 7:55 pm ET by justiceandtruth
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 1:03pm

justice

thank you. you know that i had an A with a MM while my husband was having his own A with his booze. i did not tell my priest that i had an A primarily because it was none of his business. i felt guilty enough. what i did tell the priest was that i had done my fair share in the demise of the marriage, but i wasn't willing to discuss it with him at that point. i honestly believe my A was a way to deal (very poorly) with the neglect that i was suffering from my stbx. god knows what i did, and knows that i am truly sorry. god also knows i am not promiscuous, as i have only had sex with 2 men in my entire life.

we are all equal in Gods eyes. i am not overly religious, but i do believe that there is a god who understands. humans make mistakes. i have come to terms with mine, i wish my stbx could do the same. i also wish stbx would stop throwing my A in my face and deal with his selective adherence to our wedding vows.

what
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 1:51pm

I did struggle with this issue for a while, but I spent so long trying to make my marriage work that I had plenty of time to work through my thoughts. It did help that my husband decided a few years ago that he's an atheist. One big relief I'll have once we're divorced is not having to listen to his views on why God doesn't exist. I'll also be extremely happy when my children (teenage boys) no longer have to hear this crap on a daily basis.

Immediately after we talked and made the decision to get a divorce, my first feeling was relief. I was so relieved that I no longer had to put on an act in front of those I care about, including God. Of course, God already knew how I was feeling inside. But I wasn't acting honestly. Now I can. I can be open, honest, sincere - all the traits that I didn't have before and that help me truly serve God.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 7:50pm

Finally, someone else concerned about God's view of divorce. I too have struggled with this. Two things have really helped me survive: "As Silver Refined", a book that is biblically based and addresses our concerns, the other was a Women's Retreat sponsored by the local Baptist Church Association this spring.

Our Bible tells us all the things a faithful wife should be, as you know. DONT FORGET TO READ THE HUSBANDS PART. Our marriage is a covenant with each other, HUSBAND AND WIFE. It only takes one of us to break the covenenant. When that covenant was broken in biblical times, the transgressor could be stoned to death for it. (such things as drunkeness, not providing for his family, adultery to mention a few) Since we don't stone people anymore, we can accept the transgressions as a "death" of the "covenant" which releases us from the same covenant.

In 34 responses not one person mentioned 1Corinthians:12-16. "...if an unbeliever leaves, let him do so." That is not a question - it is a command. My husband did not physcially "leave" the marriage, I did. But I believe he emotionally "left" me several years ago.

My husband informed me in very loud and clear terms one year ago today that our 31 yr marriage had been over for at least 7 years, I just didn't want to admit it. It was another 6 weeks before I could move out. As I see it, he wants out of the marriage, though now he won't admit it. In reallity, in biblical time we would probably BOTH have been stoned for our behavior. The problems we have now are mostly because I "grew up" and found God, he refuses to grow up, and stays angry, vengeful, and controlling, combined with addictions and mood swings.

Yes, God hates divorce. But He also wants us to live in harmony. I pray for my H salvation daily, but he refuses to accept that God is in control. We don't even discuss it any more. After a year, I still haven't filed for D, but am waiting on God to show me the way. H asked what I wanted. All I want is peace in my own home. No more yelling, stomping, door slamming, criticisms, or being ignored. Some days h seems to make progress, but then backslides. How long do I wait? I don't know. Am I going back to that emotional and verbal abuse - no way. Do I love my H? Yes. God commands us to love all people. Can I forgive him? Absolutely. But I can't forget. I know God will take care of me, and show me the right path in HIS time.

The problem I have now is I get very lonely. I am learning to pray a lot when that happens, as I see the depression as the devils work. The anxiety attacks I was having the last year or so I lived with h are gone now. I know I am physically and emotionally better off. I just get really lonesome for someone intelligent to talk to....was also lonely the last year I lived with h. At least now noone yells at me instead of talking to me!!

I hope you don't give up on finding a church family. I don't know how I would have made it this last year without my church and their emotional support - though there is no formal support group in our little country church, we really are like a family.

A website you might find helpful: http://www.faithwebbin.net/grow/marriage/index.html
The book, "As Silver Refined" was a great help to me before I moved out, and is a chairside companion even now. I won't even loan it out, but do recommend it a lot. My DOCTOR recommended it to me 6 months before my h made his big announcement. She saw my stress level then, though I had yet to admit it.

God Bless and Hugs to you

TM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2007
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 7:14am

I cannot believe their is someone in the exact same situation as me. As I was reading your post I had to stop and think "did I write this and just dont remember?" my husband too is a "nice" man. He has never beat me or abused me or the kids. He doesnt drink or run around. So how do I justify leaving? I took over 3 months to actually leave once I decided to do so. We separated but now I am back. Why am I back? I have no idea!!!

Joannie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2007
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 1:28am
Wow you described my situation exactly.
I feel stuck because I just can't decide
what to do. Neither decision(to stay or to leave)
seems like the right one, but I don't want to look
back in ten or twenty tears wishing I had left and
wasted so many more years by staying. Right now in
my early forties I feel like I could start a new life
and maybe find real love and passion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 8:45pm

Well I think one of the reasons I waited 27 years had a lot to do with my indoctrination. I went to school in a cloister convent and I was a good catholic girl, and good catholic girls do not get divorced. But after many years of abuse I have finally filed for divorce. I had a para legal helping me and she told me she was a recovering catholic!

It was more breaking with my upbringing than breaking with God, I think God forgave me long ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2007
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 11:38pm

My therapist told me today that I am the type of person who, after making a decision, must follow through with it in order to see if it was a good one or a bad one. She's told me that I could very well decide, after a divorce is final, that I want my H back. And I'm fine with that. But I won't really know until we go through the fire...

But, we made the decision to go through with it last night, 3 months after I first told him I was unhappy. And I'm not even sure how many more weeks or months will go by before we will sign anything. But I'll tell you, I feel a huge relief just knowing that it's in my future...freedom, whether right or wrong, will be mine soon.

And I had a realization at church this past week. I was remembering a good friend in college who had had an abortion. And I had told her that, although I didn't agree with abortion and that I couldn't be part of the clinic experience, I would be waiting for her when she returned home...just to hug her or take care of her or whatever. And I think God is a lot like that. Yes, I know He doesn't like the sin of divorce, but I'm realizing that He still loves me very much...and He'll be there to "hug me" through it all and after when I'm "free" but perhaps lonely.

Anyway, those are my thoughts today...

momriogirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 9:57pm

Put your hand in the nail scarred hand----HE can pull you thru anything.

Check out the website for Jesus Art USA. There's a beautiful picture of Jesus comforting a "modern" woman who looks absolutely heartbroken. That picture now hangs in my bedroom. I know he will comfort me, and show me the way. I just have to be quiet enought to listen.

Wishing you happiness and peace.

Prayers & Hugs,
T.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 12:27pm
i am a 44 year old woman,and i am divorced.it was hard at first,for me the hardest thing was,i was doing what God called me to do.i was out in the field preaching the word of God to everyone that would here,i was a wife at home,on the road my husband was with me.even when his body wasn't.we always talked about when our daughter would leave home,what we would do,how we would do it.God is this and the min. is that and the two of us are going tooo.that was the end.what happen i can't tell you ,but i can tell you that i made it and i am still doing what God called me to do,and i have gone out on dates, and i love it!!!! do i miss my husband,yes i do.i love marrage i love everything about it,it is" God" its LOVE.It is not easy,you have to depend on God you have to have a relationship with God.and YES there are a lot of crying nights and no sleep,the God "why" and i just can't see it,and what "God "Sometimes you will weep for a season,and or seasons,God is still there and he will give you the answer to have you felled" me" Yes the marrage is over,but did I fell YOU,or MY HUSBAND OR MY WIFE.Stay in PRAYER and SEEK GODS FACE,WHILE YOU ARE MOVING ON!!!! BE HAPPY!!!!! Vita M. KING