Bridging the gap

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Bridging the gap
6
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 8:16pm

Okay, I've made several posts where I have expressed anger toward my STBX for moving in with someone so fast and for bringing her into my home while I was at work. Due to my anger regarding his actions I told him he absolutely, under no circumstances, could allow her into MY house. I went out of town and even threatened that if he did so while I was gone I would file a restraining order on her. Mind you, this was when he had already moved in with her, but would be coming over here to watch our children while I was away.

While I still definitely have issues with how he has handled his relationship with her, I have decided to try to smooth things out somewhat. My children keep asking me why she's not allowed in the house because their father has no idea about discretion and has made sure they know I banned the skank.

What I have done is thrown them a very small bone in offering that the next time they drop off the kids together, why don't they both come inside and see what we've done to the kids' rooms, since some changes have been made recently. It's not much, but I think it would be good for the kids to see us all getting along, and the skank being allowed to set foot into our house.

Have any of you had to do anything similar to try to make the situation better for the kids?

P.S. This also has a side benefit that I have noticed that the last few times I have seen the skank my ex starts getting horribly annoyed because she and I are trying to be nice to each other and actually spend a few minutes talking. I just love carrying on a polite conversation with her while he stands by looking horribly uncomfortable. ^_^

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2006
In reply to: gwen227
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 8:18pm
I totally feel for you. He should not involve this other women with his relationship with his kids. They deserve his undivided attention and we all know when ow is around that is not the case. He is using her and he will continue to do so. Just be glad it isn't you anymore. I am dealing woth a similar situation and finding it very diffficult. Good Luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
In reply to: gwen227
Sun, 05-14-2006 - 9:51am

gwen, I have one word for you......WOW! You are truly a strong, amazing woman! In the end, I think the attitude you have adopted will be best for your children in the long run. You are SO right....the children will definitely be much happier seeing all of you get along. And it takes a VERY strong woman to put her own feelings aside to make this happen.


But....I also like the side benefit that it makes your ex squirm...heeehhheeee...




How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
- Anne Frank

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gwen227
Sun, 05-14-2006 - 10:14am

Gwen,

I have to say that I am really impressed... I commend you for recognizing your children's need for an improved relationship with all involved and think that your idea is wonderful... like Christina, I have to agree that any chance we have to watch our x's squirm is always an added bonus...

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: gwen227
Sun, 05-14-2006 - 11:58am
wow gwen - you are a true lady. good for you - skank or not, she is involved in your children's lives and it IS good for them to see that you are getting along...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
In reply to: gwen227
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 1:32pm

Way to go girl. That is a big deal. I with you though. I had a bit of something like that myself this weekend and it's hard to put aside your own feelings but feels damn good when ex expects a certain reaction and doesnt get it.

This weekend was ds first ever haircut. I told ex the day before and we agreed to do it. Ofcourse the gf was there. I handled it very graciously which Im sure surprised the heck out of ex. I smiled, spoke to her, smiled and said bye, see you guys later. I had to take some huge deep breaths when i left lol, but I made it.

Again good luck and way to go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
In reply to: gwen227
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 4:38pm
Thanks to you all for your responses! I appreciate that you can see the good in what I am attempting. I spent the better part of the last few months trying to not "let them win", but that is a futile effort. The more I try to lay down the law, the more my kids are going to see mom being hard headed and "mean" and I'd rather play nice and let them think what they want when they're old enough to look back and form they're own opinions. I don't want them growing up with a mother who is bitter, resentful and angry.