Can he be for real!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Can he be for real!
15
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 10:47am

Well I got myself into trouble again this morning. My ex was supposed to take the baby this morning and I just got so pissed off hearing that he wanted to spend the day with my son at the "ow" house and his twins. Why does he want to have him around this tramp one day then his 20yr old the next. Dealing with him spending the day with my son and the "new gf" is one thing but with the woman he cheated on me with when we were together is too much to bear. Am I wrong. Please help me.

So ofcourse I got emotional, and upset. Opening "pandora's box". Asking questions I had no business asking. Well he says that he is serious with this gf and faithful to her. I asked him why couldnt he be this "changed man" for me? What was wrong with me? He said nothing was wrong with me and she is worthy of being faithful to. He guesses he learned from his experience with me and the "ow". I just wanted to die. I know I got myself into this one big time. Why the hell do I still even care. Can he possible really have changed? If so why change for her and not me. I m the one who put in all the time and effort. He just throws away 5 1/2 years. How dare he just dismiss us. I told him she's only been in your life for a few months I was there for years and have still been there for you and he said she will be in his life for years. Oh god. I just hung up the phone. How do I recover from this now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 2:02pm

Thanks to all of you. I was a real mess today and your suggestions have given me some things to focus on. I will surely try to implement them. I went of 8 days of not seeing him, not taking his calls when he left messages that didnt pertain to our son. My biggest achievement was on Mother's Day. He called my cell at 2am to wish me a happy mom's day, saying he wasnt sure what he was doing for the day, he didnt want to piss anybody off or make anyone feel inferior. I didnt take the call. During the course of the day he called saying he was in "the neighborhood", he wanted to come over. 5 times that day, I ignored each call. 8 days, he hadnt tried or asked to see the baby so I didnt talk to him. I was a different person, getting stronger.

The following day he called me at work, said he would pick him up for me from my sister's house then said he couldnt make it there in time, my girlfriend was in the neighborhood so she bought my son home he asked to come see him that evening at the house I said yes. Knew I shouldnt have, he stayed there about 4 1/2 hours, we had played with our son, our hands touched occassionally, you know those moments that happen, he ended up laying in my lap after my son went to bed (i know i allowed all of this, my fault, im not denying any of it) we hugged when he left, I was crying and I havent been the same since that day May 9th. It seems like I only lasted 8 days and now its like I lost the strenght, forgot what I did to make it those 8 days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 3:55pm

Thanks to all of you deeply. You guys have really helped me out so much today. I do think that im on to something, like a realization on my part which is that right now I am choosing to have a "negative relationship" as opposed to "none at all" I see that it isnt healthy for me. i know I must put an end to it now for my own sanity. I am worth it! To have someone who will love me without me having to fight for it. it will and should come naturally.

What's funny is after checking my mail during my lunch break after I dont know how many times of telling him to change it, my ex is still having the bills for him car payment come to my house. They still call my house asking for him. Ive been telling myself that if I ever got them on the phone i would tell them he doesnt live there anymore. God put me to the test today. At first my response was he's not here, who's calling. I caught myself and after she said who she was i said he doesnt live here anymore. I made a baby step. So you know what i am normal and obviously not the only one trying to "hold on" in one way or another, be it negative or not.

It was really you guys that got me through this one big time. You just dont know.

HUGS TO ALL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 4:50pm

I was grateful for your replies. You are right I dont want to continue to stroke his ego any longer. It just hurts like hell knowing that he may have actually changed now that he is with her. But I have to remind myself that up until a couple of months ago he was still sleeping with me because I allowed it, but stopped it because it wasnt right. He said that maybe they way I complained that he was doing that was God's way of showing him it was wrong and that's why he being faithful to her now. Just the thought of the really hurt me. It's like where was all this "so called enlightenment" when he was with me. I dont want him to be a better person for someone else I wanted it for myself I did all the work for it.

I just wish that he would get his payback for hurting me so bad, I didnt deserve it. Maybe that's wrong of me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 5:03pm

I know what you mean about the mail thing....... I was getting bill collector calls for my ex and no matter how many times you tell them, they still call....


The real kicker is that I am getting his mail here. I changed my address with the post office when I moved out of "our" house last summer. He never changed his address so because we have the same last name and same previous address things got forwarded here. I even got the title to his GF's car, because he is using our old address instead of his new one and it was registered in his name. Now things are coming here addressed to him, no forwarding necessary! That really pisses my SO off....lol.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 5:32pm
I know girl. That burns me up to.

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