Can he do this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Can he do this?
5
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 11:22am
Hello,
I am taking my daughter with me back to my hometown in a cuple weeks to go and sort things out ,visit family and possibly see a lawyer. I told him last night. He was not happy at all.
He said what if I take her for a visit.. how would you like that? I did not answer. I am afraid. Could he legally do this without my consent.? I sure hope not.
Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 11:41am
See my answer in your other post, but yes. You are both the parents, you can both take your child on a trip. If you were able to stop him, that would mean he could cancel your trip on you too, which he can't. His comment sounds to me like he's trying to get you to see what the idea of this trip is doing to him (the fear it's putting in him). He said how would you feel if he did it to you - so think about that for a minute. If he were to go on a trip, what could he do to ease your fear that he might not come back? And then turn it around, what can you do to ease his fear that you might not return?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 1:38pm
No, I completely understand being in his shoes,but what can I do? this is something I need to do...and what if I were to tell him I wasn;t going to go and then he does it anyhow. And we are both so miserable.Maybe he doesn't see it as much, but it is not good for me or my daughter. He just now backed up the car fast with me having the pass door opened on almost hurt me. He did this to show me how angry he is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 1:44pm

The only way you are going to both get over your fear without making this turn into a battle is by talking. The only way I got my ex to understand that his fears were unfounded was by getting him to tell me his fears and me telling him why he could feel safe those things (me taking dd away from him) would never happen. I spent months letting my ex talk and talk and get it all out, and me reassuring him that no I wasn't going to change my mind about the divorce but no, I also was not going to take everything from him, and then backing my words up with actions.

Since you are not talking about divorce yet, you don't have to talk about it, but you do need to talk to him and get him to say why he's so angry and reassure him that this is just a trip and you are coming back (if that is one of his fears) and that you will do other things that might make him feel better - like letting dd call him every night or something like that.

If you don't talk to him about it then the fear and anger will fester inside both of you and this whole thing will get uglier and uglier.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 2:24pm
i don't understand why you think you are the only one who has the rights to your daughter. You didn't ask for his permission to take your daughter for two weeks, and so he shouldn't either. I think you are confused about your daughter's rights. She has a right to a mom and a dad! That you don't like your husband/ex has nothing to do with her!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 8:31am
By all means I am not saying I don't him to have nothing to do with her.
I do appreciate your honesty here,but that is not the case. I am just worried if he were to take her for a trip she would be emotionally hurt,wanting MAMA. He knows this too.
I did think about this and asked him to come with, at least maybe a few days about of the 8 days we are going. And I did tell him if he wanted to take her on a trip , it would be okay. He wouldn't , but it would be okay. LLike you said, I can ..so why can't he..But it would hurt her and I wouldn't want him to. I may even tell him, if he REALLY doesn't want me to go, maybe I won't. I am not sure. But I know if I don;t I will be more resentful.
We will see.
Thanks for listening, and good luck with yourself