Can he do this?!
Find a Conversation
Can he do this?!
| Thu, 03-24-2005 - 7:50am |
ex-h is furious at the fact that I'm going on vacation with my family in June. We'll be gone for 6 days. He says that he wants a letter from me stating that i will not be going on any future vacations this year. Also, I'm not allowed to take my son to see my father once he moves to Arizona, even for a weekend. He says if he doesn't get this letter he'll make my life a living hell -- and I have no doubt that he will. I'm probably oging to give him the letter -- but will it have any merit if I do decide to go on vacation or to visit my father in the future?
HE also wants a letter stating that I'm not plotting or planning anything against him to keep his son away from him.

Talk with a lawyer before you do anything. He doesn't have the right to restrict your personal liberties unless there is a provision in your separation agreement. Definitely call a lawyer, legal advocate, etc. before you think about giving him any written guarantee. If he wants to forbid you to travel with your son, he can take you to court. There's little chance it'll hold up. He may know that, and that could be why he's pressuring (threatening) you for the letter.
What does he mean by "making your life a living hell?" If he's threatening abuse, look into an RO. If he's threatening ridiculous motions to the court, let him hang himself. Above all, take care of yourself.
Best of luck and keep us posted.
What he means by making my life a living hell is making up lies to get our son taken away from me. He's already told me I have until July 1 to move out of my parents house otherwise he'll wreck all kinds of havoic on my life.
See, in the begining i Lied in court. I said that i didn't know about his past (he's a conviceted sex offender), and I did know about it. I used it to get him out of the house in the begining, and then to get supervised visitations with our son. But when all was said and done, he has a reasonable unsupervised (well at least unsupervised by the courts) visitation schedule with our son. But he apparently has me on tape (it's legal in our state of Missouri) saying that I lied in court, and he says that he'll bring that back up if I even think of "Crossing" him again, and of course us not moving out of my parents house is "crossing" him. It's not a healthy environment for him to be in. He has his own room, attached to my room and bathroom and sun porch. I do give him baths in my parent's bath tub, because it's the only real tub in the house (I have a jacuzi tub in my room, and it's not conveninent for bath giving). He said "he's going to grow up so confused with so many people in the house (gee so many would be mommy, grandma, grandpa, and his uncle).
My lawyer questioned my judgement to give him joint legal custody in the first place. She advised against it. So I'm just not sure what to do anymore. . . but I'm tired of his threates and telling me what I can and can not do, just because he has joint custody.
He also thinks that our son needs to be in day-care full time. MY mom currently watches him. She has a background in early-childhood education. I am going to start taking him to a mother's day our program a few days a week, for the socialization aspect. But now that's not good enough, and he wants him to be in a program where I will be able to take him and pick him up -- but due to the hours, my mom will have to do it as I'll be at work.
I'm just rambling now. Thanks for listening.
Sounds to me like you still have the upper hand here and he knows it.Even though you lied in court what he has done in the past will shine far more than your lie.
He is only trying to find the one thing that can give him some kind of control.You are not together any more and he nolonger has a say in what you do with your life. He needs to start moving on with his and let go of the past.
If you give in to his crazy ideals then he is only going to come up with more.It sounds to me like he is throwing idle threats at you. Somehow I don't think he wants to be in court to much. It would probably end up backfiring on him so he is stretching for all he can to control you outside the courts.
Talk to an attorney or even someone at a womens shelter for advice. Keep the system on your side. What ever you do YOU stay in control.
****HUGS****
K;)
Oh boy!
No he has no right to say what you can and cannot do. You can go on vacation. You can go to see your dad. You can run out to the store. You can do anything you want to WITHOUT notifying him.
Definitely check with your lawyer. Don't do anything in writing without talking to your attorney. It silly and probably unworth your time to do the letter to begin with.
Ask your attorney the questions and don't let him scare you. My ex used to do this all the time until I got an attorney and asked the questions. My attorney 99.9% of the time said.... he has no right to request that.
Good luck and let us know what happens!
Hugs,
Angelena
He can do anything he wants. Legal remedies exists only AFTER he does something that crosses a threshold of illegality. Preventive measures cannot be enforced.
He also sounds rather paranoid. Maybe with cause, maybe not.
In your shoes, try and get him to state the things he wants, especially why he wants them, in writing and have that written request sent by US Mail, Certified. (This is also known as letting him havfe as much rope as he needs tohang himself.)
I would not give him anything in writing unless compelled to do so as part of a settlement or the custody agreement.