Can he really do anything about this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Can he really do anything about this?
31
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 3:41pm

OK. So ex-h and i have joint-legal custody. i have SOLE physical custody. My Mom watched our son most of the time .. he is in parent's day out 2 days per week, 5 hours per day. My mom is out of town next week. I told him she's out of town for less time than she really is because i knew he'd throw a fit about someone else watching him. i have arrangements for people to watch him ... monday he's with my brother's girlfriend, Tuesday my brother will take him to school, and ex will pick him up. Wednesday by brother will take him and pick him up. Thursday nad Friday I'm off and he'll be with me. He knows that I'm off Thursday and Friday so I told him that my mom was leaving wednesday night. Just to eliviate any problems. He told me that if he found out anyone other than my MOM was picking him up from school there would be problems. Can he really say or do anything about this? Is it just a waste of his time to try? Time and money .. my brother is 19, by the way. Totally responsbile, and really, really good with our son.

OK .. does it make a difference that he's about $1500 in arrers on child support, and has at least one warrant out for his arrest .. the one I know about is a criminial warrant, for passing bad checks.

Does he really have a legal leg to stand on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 8:48am
That's kind of what I thought with the warrant thing. it's a class d felony warrant for passing bad checks.
i think he's going to drive by my house today, and see that it's my brother taking our son to school .. but what can he do about it? Not a damn thing. Actually, truth be known, court ordered visitation isn't even on Tuesdays .. i just let him pick him up from school and spend some time with him because I'm a nice person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 10:29am

Well, he didn't go by and check it out today (he was in the neighborhood though becuase he had a dr. appt. this morning) ... but he is not expecting him to take him today. It's tomorrow he's worried about. Oh well. I'm not doing anything wrong. And like someone said, it looks bad enough for me that i lied in court, yadda yadda, yadda, however the fact that he's sat on this information for almost a year (it will be a year the 6th of August I think since the hearing for the restraining order), to use it when he thinks it will benefit him, he's not looking too good himself.

He thinks he's going to get modified custody, and maybe even get our son taken away from me. Yeah, like his living arrangements are that much better than mine? Yes, my son and i are living with my family. in a HUGE 5 bedroom, 3 bathroom house -- he and i have an entire suite to ourselves, plus our own family room. I'm working on getting out, but in the meantime, it's the only house he's ever lived in (we lived there for a year while we were married). He on the other hand, lives with his mother in a tiny one bedroom apartment in a retirement community, he's not even supposed to be living there as she's not supposed to have anyone living with her. He has no car, he has no license ... he has no job (he just had knee surgery so he's on disability right now), but his employment history is shakey .. I've been at the same job for 7 years.

ANyhow I'm rambling ....

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 11:38am

Would it be in your favor to "come clean" about lying to the court? That way, your ex wouldn't have that to hang over your head.

Susie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 11:48am
Who would I come clean to? I guess I lied to get the restraining order, which has since been dropped.
Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 11:52am

Hmmm, I don't know. I just thought that it might turn the tables on your ex's plan, and at the same time it would cast you in a good light.

Take care.

Susie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 11:55am
it wasn't a bad idea, I just don't know who i'd come clean to? I don't know that anyone would even care anymore, since the RO has been dropped...hell i don't know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 11:56am

The courts? If you don't have anyone to come clean to, who is it he would report you to?

Either way, I am 100% sure you lying to get a restraining order cannot be used to take custody away from you. They don't take custody away from a parent as punishment for something that parent did. They take custody away if your son is being harmed by being in your custody.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 12:25pm

He'd tell his lawyer to file some injunction to have our son removed from the house(he says) tells me all he has to do is give him the word and he'd be on it, since he knows of the lies and such and supposedly has the transcripts.

Says he'd prove it's an unfit environment for our son to be in .. how i have no idea .. says that our son has a hard time distinguishing between Grandma and MOmmy (totally untrue) and that he has too many male influences in his life since my Dad and brother (19 and in college) are also in the house. too many people that love this child? Is that possible? The funny thing about all of that is that he has 4 sisters. Most of them had children when they were quite young, and the kids (grandkids to his parents) had an awesome relationship with his dad (grandpa) .. hmmmmm...pot meet kettle.

Says he'd prove that I'm trying to keep our son away from him (yeah right, I let him have him a lot more than i "have" to .. i want them to have a relationship).

I really do think he's blowing a lot of smoke.

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 3:09pm

<>

Lying, embellishing, or fudging? ;-) When I had to get a restraining order against my BIL, the victim's advocate told me that certain statements have more and/or less impact than other statements, and the main issue is safety, and to write my statement accordingly... While I didn't believe that BIL would actually come after my kids, but just me, I believed that he COULD go after them to GET to me. Since BIL had guns and is/was a drunk, the victim advocate encouraged me to...fudge a bit, since the judge who was on the bench wasn't necessarily given to giving out restrining orders on just threats. I lucked out, because BIL was already in the system for assault and battery, and I found out about that then.

Did the OP talk to a victim's advocate at the time? The VA's know what they're doing when they tell us to fudge, I guess. If that was the OP's case, then she shouldn't consider it lying. You need to do what you have to to protect yourself and your children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 3:39pm

Well, he just picked him up. Asked him who drops him off in the mornings, and they said it was my brother. He is throwing a fit. Saying that it is not going to happen anymore, and it has to go by the paperwork. The paerwork says nothing about who picks him up, only who drops him off. Said he talked to the director and she knows that my brother is not to drop him off anymore.

Oh wait, he just called back, and told me it's OK. but that if anything happend to him (our son) while my brother was driving him that he was going to kill my brother, then me, and then get custody of him .. yeah, whatever. I told him something could just as eaisly happen to him while he or I are driving him as when my brother is driving him. I mean seriously, what if something happens to him while HE is driving .. can I kill him then?