Can I get your opinion on this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Can I get your opinion on this?
33
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 8:29am

Yesterday I was talking/fighting with my ex about another "You need to get along with my girlfriend (fiance actually)" conversation. WHY DOES HE INSIST THAT I LIKE HER? I will NEVER like her and he needs to realize that. I told him I will not go out of my way to be kind to her, nor will I go out of my way to be rude. So here's my question...
We got on the discussion about when our daughter is a bit older and has dance recitals, school plays, etc....I told him that his girlfriend (will be wife by then) is NOT welcome to events where I will be. These are more important to me than they are to her considering Angelina is MY DAUGHTER, not hers! And he strongly disagrees. He says she has just as much of a right to be there as I do. WHAT THE HELL???????? No she doesn't!!!!!!! That is implying that her & I are the same rank in my daughters life. Not the case. I told him that if she ever shows up, I will kindly ask her to leave. He of course said if I did that he would be calling his lawyer the next day, and then went on with his normal threats to get full custody, blah blah blah.
What do you think about this? Am I wrong, or is he? I believe that she has no right to be there- I understand she cares about Angelina and i'm sure Angelina likes her a lot too, but her simply BEING THERE would ruin it for me...and I think she should be woman enough to say "You know what, this is much more important to Lainie than it is to me- i'm gonna sit this one out". I know if I was married to a man with children and his ex wife hated me, I would feel bad going to an event I knew would bother her with me being there.

Lainie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 6:50am

Lainie,

My stbx doesn't have anyone else in his life, so I can't totally relate, but I have asked myself, "How am I going to feel when he finds someone else?" Still can't answer that one with absolute certainty, but I can say this: It will be hard enough for my DDs without me making it worse.

Now, when you say, "her simply BEING THERE would ruin it for me," think about this: It's not about you, it's about Angelina. Angelina's recitals, plays, etc. are for her (Angelina), not you, and you don't want to ruin it for her. If she wants both Mom and Stepmom there, then that's how it should be and you should try and focus on your DD, not your ex and his wife. If, on the other hand, Angelina doesn't want her there, then she should gracefully find something else to do that day. . . .

Sorry to disagree with you. . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 8:43am

I think that in order for your children to grow up in the best environment, than you are going to need to accept that his new wife will be involved with your children. Your exhusband should not have to leave his wife at home for a school play, your children would greatly benefit from both parents coparenting in a loving environment.

Don't give someone else so much power over your life that everything is ruined because of her mere presence.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 8:45am
I totally agree with that decision. (I've experienced the 3rd party issue as well) and as hard as it is, to not jump to that anger. It's better for all parties, to just move on emotionally and physically.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 12:25pm
WOW! Your mother didn't come to your WEDDING because of your dad's new wife? I wouldn't care if my ex showed up with 10 Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders....I'd be at my son's wedding! I am sorry you had to go through that. I think it's puts things in perspective regarding ex spouses and their new relationships.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 1:10pm

You read that right. . .and two years later I decided not to hold a 'family' birthday party for our daughter because she threatened to pull the same crap and I didn't want to have to hold 2 family parties and a 'school' party. My daughter had a party at her child care center that year, but no party with grandparents or extended family. . .my father died less than a year later (at 43 years of age). . .

As I've said. . .I've vowed to myself that my kids will never have to deal with that kind of nonsense. And I say that knowing that there is already a third party involved in my situation.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 5:20pm

My dad's best friend didn't go to his daughter's wedding a few months back.... it was her first marriage, and she's in her early 40's.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 8:35pm
Hint for you, lol.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 8:35pm
Ooops, lol, should have kept reading, i see you already showed her! lol
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 8:36pm
(((hugs Sweetie)))) NO ONE can replace you. They KNOW who their Mom is!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 8:38pm
I am glad that your X seems to have seen thru that woman. Good for you, him AND your kids!
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