Can I get your opinion on this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Can I get your opinion on this?
33
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 8:29am

Yesterday I was talking/fighting with my ex about another "You need to get along with my girlfriend (fiance actually)" conversation. WHY DOES HE INSIST THAT I LIKE HER? I will NEVER like her and he needs to realize that. I told him I will not go out of my way to be kind to her, nor will I go out of my way to be rude. So here's my question...
We got on the discussion about when our daughter is a bit older and has dance recitals, school plays, etc....I told him that his girlfriend (will be wife by then) is NOT welcome to events where I will be. These are more important to me than they are to her considering Angelina is MY DAUGHTER, not hers! And he strongly disagrees. He says she has just as much of a right to be there as I do. WHAT THE HELL???????? No she doesn't!!!!!!! That is implying that her & I are the same rank in my daughters life. Not the case. I told him that if she ever shows up, I will kindly ask her to leave. He of course said if I did that he would be calling his lawyer the next day, and then went on with his normal threats to get full custody, blah blah blah.
What do you think about this? Am I wrong, or is he? I believe that she has no right to be there- I understand she cares about Angelina and i'm sure Angelina likes her a lot too, but her simply BEING THERE would ruin it for me...and I think she should be woman enough to say "You know what, this is much more important to Lainie than it is to me- i'm gonna sit this one out". I know if I was married to a man with children and his ex wife hated me, I would feel bad going to an event I knew would bother her with me being there.

Lainie

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 8:41pm

Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry for all that. I have had to do the seperate bday parties, etc, in the past.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 8:49pm

Lanie, I posted below to you about just this situation. I will repost it here b/c it pertains - & also mention that after my Dad was married to my SM, who was the woman who broke up their marriage (no, Dad was FAR from innocent, but my SM published a PAPERBACK NOVEL, for real, on the newsstands, all ABOUT how she loved him too much all the years he kept trying to go back to his family (he told her, i quote from the novel "I want to try to make it work with my wife & kids, they need me", & she never let go & year after year he came back & forth from her to us & she "finally made him see that she was his true love". HA! How do you think THAT made my mom feel!?!) Anyway, 1 thing i wanted to add was that i worried my whole teenage & college years about my furture wedding! WHAT would i do. What would happen. How in teh WORLD could i expect my mom to be there & be ok, b/c i knew he would bring her. There was NO use asking him to have her stay away, he woudl have refused (they were married 18 yrs by then & i had a 1/2 brother from them & i was close to my Dad & WANTED him there).

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 10:14am

Thank you so much for posting your story. I really need to hear about what it's like for the kids, given my problematic situation. I really don't want to cause any pain for my kids. I want to do whatever is in my power for them to have the very happiest youth possible. But I will not stand by and be taken advantage of or treated with disrespect, either. That's a very hard line to walk sometimes-the term "manipulative prick" you used also is an appropriate decription of my kids' dad-it's so hard to speak of him to them with respect when I know what I know and feel he doesn't deserve respect. Just this weekend, there was another boundary violation. I overheard the usurper wanna-be mom standing next to the ex and speaking to a 3rd party referring to MY child as "OUR daughter", meaning ex's and HER's. I am SO desperately tired of them acting as if I am irrelevant or don't even exist. They have the attitude that they are the "real family" and I am superfluous, but have legal rights that must be accomodated, however inconvenient. I have alot of sympathy for your Mom, I'm sorry she had to go through such troubles. My best wishes go out to you as you experience the anniversary of her death. I hope you can have fond memories instead of alot of pain.

Cupcake

Pages