Can we live peacefully together?
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| Thu, 02-22-2007 - 8:18pm |
H came over tonight to see the boys and talk about our finances. We are in serious financial debt.
Now he says he is moving back in to save money and be responsible. Is there any way to live peacefully with him? He blames me for the problems in our marriage. I am taking responsibility for my part but I am not going to be his whipping post.
I don't really want him moving back in but he is the primary breadwinner and I have no full time job at this time. He is also threatening to let the "chips fall where they may". I take that to mean that he will just walk away from the household and let me take care of the mess.
He has not been to an attorney but I have an appointment on Monday. I just need to know my options. At this point I don't want to try and work it out anymore. I am not going to live with someone that can't or won't forgive me for things that happened.
Any suggestions are appreicated.
Thanks.

Whether it can work obviously depends on you two.
My stbx is still in the house although he wanted out this month (would have been two months after his announcement). We are waiting until April for many reasons, but mainly because we don't have the financials worked out. Yesterday we learned from the mediator that she doubted we'd have a financial settlement by April. Now I am thinking we need to slow the process down for my sake and the kids (it is killing us; I am a sahm) and because we can't afford two households until I am employed and that is gonna take time.
So, we are doing it. It is HARD. There are risks (mostly financial for me) in delaying the separtion because my stbx is acting very irresponsibly with money/credit right now. It is better for our children because separation is going to destroy them, but it is a day to day thing.
So, you *can* but it is hard. Just have as little to do with each other as possible; live your separate lives; certainly sleep separately and be polite but distant.
GL
M
"Keep your friends close... and you enemies closer."
I lived with my then-STBX while we were divorcing and our house was on the market to sell.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I'm in the same boat - but it will be a long haul for us - a couple years before I'm transfered for my job. We're both hoping he'll be able to land a better job before then, and can move out at that point.
In the meantime, we're leading pretty much separate social lives, but the good thing is he doesn't go out till after the kids are in bed. It's nice to have the bedtime co-parent these years (ours are 6,4, 2 and 2). Two years or so is a long time, but by then parenting won't be as hands-on and my H and I will have a long time to emotionally transition. For us it's better. (He was initially reluctant to separate "for the sake of the kids" but having this extra time to sink in is helping.) And knowing that this period has an end date makes it easier for me to tolerate all the annoying things he does. :) Now it's not "can I last another 18 years" but "this too shall pass soon," so it's easier to keep my mouth shut and not try to improve him.
I really hope that we continue to co-parent well as time goes on and look at these next couple years as a time to cement the bonds with his kids so there's less risk that he'll be a disappearing father.
Best of luck to you. Sorry you're in the situation but it sure is nice to know others are out there coping and thriving. Glad I found you guys.
Karen