Can you stay friendds with your ex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Can you stay friendds with your ex?
10
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 1:03pm

Can you? How do you? Adny tips or advice.

What about when you do not have to (we don't ahve kids)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 1:20pm
I am trying very hard to remain friends with my ex. I do this for two reasons, One: my boys; Two: I am still in love with my ex and want him to come home some day. If I didn't have my boys I think it would be very hard to remain friends. Then we would have no reason to ever communicate. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 2:57pm
STBX and I don't have kids but I refuse to be friends with him. I told him after our divorce I do not want to hear, see or associate with him. I can't be friends with someone who has hurt me so much. He wants to be friends that there is no way I can be a friend to him. With his personality, I would just be another friend the takes advantage of. Been there done that. No thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2005
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 6:14pm
My husband and I are still friends and we get along very well. It sucks, it makes it harder for me to let go of how I feel about him and I tend to let him get away with so much in how he treats me because I don't want to lose that friendship. I decided this week I want to be civil with him, but I don't think I want to be his friend. I have friends and I want new friends. Besides if we could be such great friends...then why are we getting divorced?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 11:32pm
The only reason I'm "friends" (aka:

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 12:53am
I personall don't like him and don't want to hear from him at all... So I don't contact him unless it is necessary, but since we have kids, I am trying to communicate with him when it is necessary. So to answer your question, no, I am not his friend and don't want to be his friend!!! We used to be friends, but not anymore. It's a business transaction, not friendship... and I am loving it...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 6:48am

i have two exHs....
ex number 1 and father of my DS: I wouldhave liked to remain 'in contact' with him (not friend) for the sake of our son. but he - for reasons of his own - has cut off all contact with me, with DS, with hi own family (mother, siblins, etc). i honestly don't even know if he is still alive.

ex number 2 - i have no desire to ever see him again, ever. he is a horrible person, there is nothing about him that i would consider 'friend-worthy'. he is abusive, manipulative, he is a pathological liar, he takes advantage of people. he is not the kind of person that i would choose as a friend. i am sure that he would like to remain incontact, he did try , a lot , at the beginning, but i just refused to talk to him, asnwer his calls, respond to his messages, so thankfully we have nooooo contact.

I suppose that the question is why do you want to remain in contact? i mean, if this is someone you feel you want to be friends with, then why are you getting divorced? I think that it can be sticky. if one of you still wants to remain married and then sex enters the situaiton, then what do you do? it can be painful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 8:43am
I'm sure in some cases, exs can remain friends. But if you don't have children, I think staying in contact just makes the whole healing process take longer.




Follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:43am
I tried at first when I thought that I wanted to try and save the marriage but then I realized how hard it was to move on when I did this.I have absolutely no contact with him unless it has to do with the divorce and then it is done by text message or through our attorneys.We have a dd but luckily she is 16 so I never even have to see him because she has a car and cell phone and she can talk to him on that and drive herself to see him.I have learned from experience that it is a big mistake to do this if you want to get over him and move on and I agree with the other posters that if you have kids keep it business like but honestly I cant even do that.I cant even stand to look at him let alone talk to him and it works out well because he feels the same way about me.lol I also agree with the other posters that said why would I want to be friends with someone that I am divorcing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 10:39am

thanks for all of the replys

my ex and I have a good relationship, we had a good marriage. he decided after a I was in a near fatal accident that he had regrets about a previous relationship and he left me for the mother of his child (his high school sweetheart).

we get along great and have a wonderful time together and I am still close to his son, but when i hear things about him moving on (she divorced her husband as well and they are talking marriage) then it hurts badly.

I get over it and ultimately I love them (my ex and his son) and I want to be part of their lives. I tend to be more forgiving and more patient because of my accident so I also have that factor playing in as well.

sometimes its just hard and I get mad and upset and throw a fit, and I know that is not mature and I can't help it. he thinks I over-react, I think its at least somewhat normal.

But in the end he understands and ultimately if we had to give up out friendship, I dont know if either of us could. so I need to find a healthier way of dealing with the pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 10:58am

Well, right new in the VERY early stages of our divorce, I'd have to stay NO!

Maybe once some of this hurt, anger and bitterness lets up a little, "maybe"? I don't know though, I'm pretty stubborn, LOL!

Sometimes it's hard to even be civil because of the kids, but I manage for them.

As for what I do when he has the kids, I'll be finding out this weekend! It's his first turn to take them and my first turn to be alone without them! Plus, it would have been our 17th wedding anniversary so I'm not really sure how I'm going to react to being alone.

Hugs to all!
Jenn

Jennifer

Proud Mom of Travis (15) and Mandi (10)

and our pets, Sully the Dog and Till