Can't accept husband leaving
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Can't accept husband leaving
| Tue, 09-04-2007 - 1:52pm |
Hi. I am sad to be saying this but I am new to this board. Not a board that I ever thought that I would be apart of. I am 33 years old and have a son who will be 2 in Nov. My husband and I will be married for 7 years in less than 3 weeks. We have decided to separate. Well, I should say he wants to separate. I do not want to but some how I get no say in the matter. Why is it the one who wants to leave gets what they want. The one who wants to stay and fight for their marriage just gets left feeling empty and alone. My question to you is how do you accept that your husband wants to leave? We made the decision almost a month ago that my husband would be moving out. He is still living in the house (sort of) because right now we can not afford for him to move out. I was a stay at home mom until now. I start back to work part time tomorrow. I just can't seem to accept the fact that he is leaving. I love him so much. He is my life. He was my first love. The only man I have ever been with and the only one I can imagine being with. I talk about him leaving to my family and friends hoping that it will sink in. Some days I am ok but most I just want to cry which I usually end up doing. I feel like a horrible mommy b/c I do not know how many times I have broken down in front of my son. I can not concentrate on anything. It is all I think about yet it all seems so surreal. I feel like when I start feeling better something else happens and my heart breaks all over again and I can not take it anymore. I am in counseling but sadly I only have a few more sessions left this year b/c my insurance will only pay for 20 sessions per year. I have been going since May when all of this started happening. You would think by now I would have a handle on my emotions but I can't seem to acceopt it. I think what makes it worse is everything that is coming like our anniversary, his b day my sons b day and of course the holidays. My husband is my best friend. He has done things that I should be angry about and I am but the sadness seems to always win. Sometimes I think it would be easier to hate him but I can't. I want to stop hurting. My husband and I want to remain friends for the sake of our son no matter how thisa all plays out. He is not a bad man he just has issues that he needs to work out. I have asked him to go to counseling but he says he is not ready. I am so scared of what the future will bring. I am tired of being sad and scared and feeling so alone. None of my friends or family members are divorced so they have no idea how I feel. I feel like a burden to them sometimes so I was hoping to find help here.

You've come to the right place. I'm relativaly new to the boards too. There are a lot of people here who can offer support.
I'm sorry for what you are going through and I think you should find a way to continue therapy. Ask your counselor if they can work with you on a sliding scale. My friend did that and her therapist charged her $50 per visit. It sounds like you really need to stick with it for your sake and your child's. I think it's good that you confide in your family. It helps to have that support even if you don't think they understand how you feel.
I can imagine how sad and alone you feel but it will pass eventually. I know it doesn't feel like it now but it will. You'll go through all the stages and you'll become strong again. In the meantime you should try to find a way to stop focusing on what you think your losing and start focusing on how to move forward. Force yourself. For me it helps to write things down. I write things like what I want to accomplish by such and such time or things I want to do or I compliment myself. Sometimes I just write ramdom words to vent. The point is you have to focus your energy on something positive; things you CAN control. You can't control him leaving but you can control how you respond to it.
Your two year old needs you to be strong for him.
I wish you the best.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this. I went through something similar 6 years back. But my husband left for another woman. For the first two years, he didn't know what he wanted. I wanted more than anything to save my marriage. But in the end he chose her and I had no choice in the matter. I just had to make the choice to move on without him. It was so hard. He hardly saw the kids anymore. He treated me terribly. It was awful...
but the only thing that really got me through it was to take it one day at a time. Talk here and get out when you can. ((((((((((hugs))))))))))