can't breathe-caught him

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2010
can't breathe-caught him
8
Sat, 01-28-2012 - 10:34pm

My husband has not been himself for many months but been denying infidelity issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 01-28-2012 - 10:56pm

I can imagine how shocked you must feel right now--the same thing happened to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 1:23am
Don't tell them anything right now until you know yourself what is going to happen. He may decide he's made a horrible mistake in having this affair and end it. No sense in putting them thru any upsetting news at this point. If you do decide to get a divorce then you will have to tell them. Personally I'd make HIM tell them
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2010
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 1:36am

I'm going crazy.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 8:56am

Hi,

One caveat right off the top: Be careful with ultimatums, i.e. "me or her." Because you when give people ultimatiums you must be prepared for them NOT to choose you. My advice: Don't ever give another ultimatium. It may backfire on you.

I'm glad he's willing to see a marriage counselor.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 9:27am

((((twoplustrio)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 11:52am

There is shock and hurt when the cheating is disco vered. But now you know and even if you tried to work it out, the trust is gone.l My ex cheated, we tried counseling and he still kep cheating. So I left him (sounds easy, but it is not, even under those circumstances).

The good news is, your children can and will survive a divorce. They don;t need to know why, mine don't. They just know that Mom and Dad could not be married any more, but we still "care" for each other (gag) and we both will always lvoe them and be their parents. IN front of the kids, everything has to be civil.. Just don;t tell them to much, they don;t need details, and they don;t need to know anything until you have made decisions.

The better news is that you can get out of the marriage and have your own "renaissance". Remake yourself, do things you always wanted to do but didn't. My kids were with ex every other weekend, and I was very protective of that time as "me time". I even had a mantra, "Me First". Its a way to balance out your world and make it better.

People cheat for whatever reasons make sense to them, I never understood how my ex could cheat but he rationalized it for himself and it was something he could live with. I am now with a man who is wonderful in so many ways. So there is hope for a better future, it just takes time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 10:49am

Thanks, this is the encouragement that I was seeking.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 12:57pm

Mine was angry too. I think they misplace their anger at us, when they are really angry at being caught.