Can't Stop Crying
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Can't Stop Crying
| Tue, 12-06-2005 - 1:31pm |
I know this is all my fault. I left my husband two months ago because I was in love with someone else. I know that most of the time it is the man who leaves for another woman, but I left for another man. My husband was shocked and devsitated. He loves me...my new BF loves me. I got what I wanted, but I can't stop crying. I know what I did was despicable and unforgivable. I just want to get life back on track. Why am I so sad? I feel like a total loser. I can't get passed the fact that I hurt so many people. I am not a bad person, I didn't mean for this to happen. I dont know what I expected. I need time to get my life back. My new BF is very supportive and is giving me time to heal, but I can't get past the hurt I have caused. I have failed everyone I cared about and even though I know I deserve to feel like this, when will it get better?

Hi there!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm thought this was a support board. I think Wild gave you some good advice. And to heather........ she does feel her husbands's pain...... she said so in her post and yes you can be a very good person and still do something that hurts someone else. Also wild is right about taking some time and thinking about things. I left my husband three years ago due to alot of different things and I was very very confused for probably six months or so about what to do and which way to go. It became clear over time and it will become clear to you as well. My opinion is that a person does not have an affair if they have a healthy happy marriage.
Anyways... I didn't want you to feel attacked here and it is apparent you feel badly already. Things will get better over time... but it will take lots of time.
Hugs to you
hi and welcome....lets take the words "fault" and "blame" and
noodle, I feel for you, I really do.
I was in a very unhappy marriage for years. I spend the majority of my time lonely and alone. My STBX never wanted to come home. He filled his life with friends and endless activities (lunches and dinners out with his buddies, poker, movies, shopping, baseball league, etc). He was completely unavailable with his emotions, time, and attention. Finally, after years of counseling and sadness, we decided to divorce. As soon as I had secured an apartment and attorney, my STBX didn't think it was such a good idea. But I knew it was time.
About a month after I moved out, I started seeing a close male friend of mine. My STBX found out by checking my e-mail account, and was devestated. I felt terrible for hurting him so much. I even went so far as to go back to my STBX for a couple of days, but I immediately knew it was the wrong thing to do. So I ended up devestating my STBX and hurting my friend.
The best thing you can do for yourself right now is counseling. You made a mistake, one that hurt many people. But you recognize that. No one is condoning what you did, but for you to get some help will be the best thing for you and everyone invloved. Good luck to all of you.
ok. you are one brave person. I did EXACTLY the same as you did and believe me, because of the emotions you are experiencing, I am suffering financially and so are my children. What you did, going from my experience, was very, very hard and now, 1 year and 8 months later, I am only JUST stopping the crying and please, other people out there who may be judging this, it was not for me. It was for my husband and my children and other children involved. My husband sexually harrassed me for my entire marriage and I have been with him since I left high school at 18 till the age of 41. He influenced me, moulded me and used me and I finally realised I didn't want to live his way of life. This was a man who, when after I visited my gynochologist (sp) after the birth of our first baby and said I can't have sex for 6 weeks, this man went and circled the date on the calendar and I STILL had to accommodate him in other ways. Incredible that he did that and incredible that I allowed it. There are many other stories in regards to the harrassment but this is not about that.
You, my girl, are just as brave as the women whose husbands have left them and cried and have been sad and lonely and confused. And your pain is no less than what they are experiencing. I know exactly the confusion, the angst, the sadness, the guilt but not the regret that you are feeling. I gave my husband 75% of our $2 million assets and now I have not enough to live on with our two children; I rent a house for $465 per week which takes all my wage and gave him the $800,000 family home debt free. My partner is giving 90% of his income to his girls which he should and still putting his wife through uni and paying mortgages and while she is not working.
Enough of me. I made a mistake in not being able to separate feelings from logic and now am having to take him back to court to attempt to get him to pay full child support. He can do what he wants to me and I have unfortunately out of guilt, and emotional blackmail let him but what is he doing to his children is unforgiveable.
I found that the only way to get through this is to keep crying, but keep working, keep doing your housework, keep food shopping, picking up the kids, keep your routine up. Keep loving your children, keep being civil to your husband but at the same time being strong, keep in contact with your girlfriends but don't necessarily burden them too much and make sure you find a counsellor to turn to.
Many people will judge you because they have experienced the opposite life of the chain reaction you have caused but think about it. Do you live your life, for the rest of your life, to keep your husband happy and things on an even keel while you are just dying internally or do you think for yourself and grab that rope to be happy yourself? Someone is going to be hurt and why does it have to be you?
I can't speak about the devastation others have experienced out there with husbands leaving but it is how we conduct ourselves once this has happened that shows us the type of person we are.
All I can say is, cry for as long as you want, but don't end up lying on the kitchen floor night after night like me. Feel that guilt and pain that has been caused but also imagine what your life would be like 10, 20 years from now still living in a marriage you are desparately unhappy in. Just live day to day, go through your daily routine even if you cry your way through it, don't cry and stand in one spot and it will, eventually begin to get a little better.
I really hope this helps and I have been on this board reading for ages and have not had the courage to respond to anything before this. You are exceptional to say what you have had to say and people who judge, just do so because they have been hurt too but we are all women trying to deal with life and especially doing the best for our children.