Changing the locks

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Changing the locks
2
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 8:21am

My counselor has suggested that I change the locks at my house. I would, but the only thing I'm concerned about is 18 y/o DS. STBX comes over to wash his clothes every so often, and he uses his key to get in while I'm out. I wouldn't put it past him to snoop around. The dilemma is this: STBX likes to make DSs feel sorry for him, and make it look like I'm the "meanie" who isn't letting him come home, etc. If I change the locks, I'm worried that STBX will try to get in, ask DS why his key doesn't work, and get him to give him a spare key. My counselor and I would like to avoid having to put DS in the position of wanting to help his dad, and having to "betray" me. (ALthough his attitude is that I'm the bad guy, and his dad is the sad sack.). Any advice?

The other day when I stopped at STBX's garage to pick up a check to go shopping, STBX said to me as he was handing me the check, "I'm going backwards", meaning he's losing money by being out of the house. As we were walking past 18 y/o DS and DS's girlfriend, STBX says to me, "I love you. I love you forever, babe!" :shudder: He was trying to make DS think he was the poor put-upon husband. I just ignored him, and went to my car and left.

EDIT: I've even thought of just switching the locks on the front door and the walk-thru garage door (they're exactly the same, but different keys. I's still have to tell DS that I switched, and there's the rub. He'd probably tell his dad. I don't mind STBX knowing that I changed the locks, I mind putting DS in that position.




Edited 9/23/2005 8:25 am ET ET by susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 8:25am

I gotta say that if it were me, I wouldn't chage the locks. It would, definitely give your son's the impression that maybe dad is right.... even though he isn't.


Hugs to you and good luck.


Angelena

















iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 8:38am
Without discussing the intimate details of your marriage, if I were you I'd have a very frank talk with my son.
Sanguine