Changing name back to maiden
Find a Conversation
Changing name back to maiden
| Wed, 01-24-2007 - 10:51am |
What is the general consensus on this? I want to change my name back, on one hand, because I feel like I want a fresh start without any of the baggage that I feel, which is tied to HIM, which is tied to his name. On the other hand, it means getting a new SS card, a new drivers license, a new nursing license, etc...is it worth the hassle? And will it hurt my children? I'd really like to change their names to my maiden, but I guess I don't feel that vindictive. Any thoughts on this subject?
A.
A.

Pages
Kerry
I went back to my maiden name. After all I am not married to him anymore so therefore I don't feel I need to have his name anymore I don't consider it being vindictive at all. I do consider it being it vindictive if you were to change the children's name however.
It seems like a big pain to change everything on "documents" but it really wasn't, I wasn't going to change my name because I thought it was going to be a huge pain but when it came down to it, it really wasn't that big of a deal and I felt like I got my own identity back, it felt like a relief to be honest. My exes name is really well known in our town (as his family owns a well respected business), it felt good to go back to my maiden name so I kind got my own identity back, before no matter where I went someone new me by just the name, now I could go whereever I wanted and nobody knew me unless they actually knew ME, not by the last name. It was fabulous.
Smile,
Deirdre
I just started the process of changing my name back. WHen X and I had our final court appearance, the judge wrote into our agreement that I was going to change back to my maiden name. I guess it eliminates a step if you do it that way.
Being that my X was so emotionally abusive, and that I married so young, I want my identity back-- not the remnants of a revolting cesspool of a human being's name. Also, I am moving back to my hometown... X's family lives there, and they are well known as nutjobs, so I don't want to be associated with them. That being said, hopefully my DS (who will be moving with me) will be the "sane generation" that bears his father's last name.
As far as documentation, the SS website said that you need certified copies of birth and marriage certificates, a copy of the divorce decree, and another document from the court with both your maiden and married names. I think it's worth it for me.
I am definitely changing my name back. When I get my PhD, the last thing I want is for it to be in his family's name. I didn't want to change my name to begin with, but his dad would hear nothing of that, so I went along with the demand. Guess I should have seen that as a sign :P
As for the kids, they will stay with their dad's last name unless they decide that they want to change it when they're old enough to do it on their own. I find that many of the people I know whose parents are divorced, one sibling has the father's name while the other has the mother's. So, while I'm not going to encourage them to make a change, I won't be surprised if one of them chooses to.
I was going to go back to may maiden name that would have been wonderful but changed my mind because even though he will sign a quit claim his name has to stay on the loan for the house so if I change my last name it could create problems there. Would be a hassle with my paypal acct etc. I would have to re verify etc.
so I thought well you know maybe at a later date I can. however I am to get 1/3 of his retirement ......well I just dont think I will worry about it. But I do understand why you want you. You are YOU not his kid, or his wife or anything. You are your own person. We shouldnt have to take a mans name in the first place ....but laws are still outdated.
good luck with your decision. you can always do it later.........just go to court and ask for the name change. but whatever you do I think it is fine. Like I said I dont see why we as women HAVE to use their name? seems like a form of male control to me LOL
*giggles*
Wouldn't one of your childrens changing their name to your last name just make grandpa's blood boil. *evil laugh*
Smile,
Deirdre
Smile,
Deirdre
I posted on this exact subject recently. We are just about to file papers, and I have been considering this for a few weeks. I have decided, that for me, it is the right thing to do, to return to my maiden name.
My reasons are to regain my sense of independence. I took his name because I married him, now that we will no longer be married, I don't see a need to keep his name. He left me for another woman, therefore I have further reasons for not wanting to continue having his name. Vindictive......well, maybe just a little, but it is not the ultimate reason. My children will keep his name, they are 10 and 12, and I have already discussed this with them, they didn't seem to have a problem with it. It might be a little inconvenient to transition to my maiden name, but it will be worth it for me, under these circumstances. I do not want my name to be associated with him any longer, to me it represents our past, and I feel it every time I sign a check or anything with my signature. Just a constant reminder. Changing my name back is part of the healing process for me.
He has no idea I plan to do this, and I don't care, and I have no idea what his reaction will be, and I don't care abou that either. This is my life, my decision.
Everyone's situation is different, and there are different reasons for keeping or changing. Do what is best for you...
Tis
I changed my name back without anything in the divorce paper stating it, and had no problem at all. I took my old marriage certificate, divorce decree and passport to the proper office. There they filled out the paper work and within one week I had a new passport, new name, and the SSN was updated. The cost was only for the new passport. It really wasn't at all a hassle. I slowly started changing names on this and that account. The house was still in two names, now different, but didn't present any problems. Now I will take the house entirely in my name alone.
Funny to bring this up today, because I just spoke with a lady from the court today who congratulated me on my helping my son handle the divorce, and how it was good that he still has a father figure. When I laughed and told her x was in no way a father figure, she said she meant the new father. Can you imagine the surprised look on my face? I said 'what other father?!' She said she meant my new husband. I thought wow! Is he cute? And then I told her I haven't got a new husband. She said the judge assumed that I had when I reported to the courts that my name was changed. Great, the people at the court figure I dumped one and hooked on to another only months later? Excuse me, but that was the x they were thinking of, not me. And I can't count how many times people I know have congratulated me on my marriage because of seeing the new name, only to be humiliated when I told them I wasn't. But I couldn't bare to keep that name and I am all for my son changing his name when he is old enough.
Pages