Child Custody Evaluation

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Child Custody Evaluation
18
Tue, 09-20-2005 - 2:07pm

It's finally happening. My STBX requested a child custody evaluation. I initially agreed but said I wouldn't pay for it, so I guess he decided to pay for the whole thing. Anyway, we're meeting with the child custody evaluator next Tuesday 9/27.

I'm nervous, but I'm also looking at it as my opportunity to be able to tell someone that he is verbally/emotionally abusive and a chronic liar and then lay out the facts. I tape the phone conversations he has with our kids, and so I have some inappropriate comments he's made to the children on tape. My attorney said they wouldn't be allowed in court, but that I can play them for the custody evaluator.

He's saying that my dad hits our son (UNTRUE!) and that my mom is unfit to watch our children (also UNTRUE!).

Has anyone gone through a custody evaluation?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 1:48pm

"...it is a third degree felony to tape record anyone without their knowledge or consent. "

I'm pretty sure that varies from state to state. I think that some states, only one party has to be aware. But I really am not sure. Ask your lawyer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 3:13pm
I read what you said about the taped conversations not being admissible in court. In my case my ex left a message on my answering machine accusing me of keeping the baby from him and also saying how I have him 99% fo the time and for the 1% of the time he wants him he cant have him and how I can "keep him", he his other two children and I can change our son's last name to mine. Im trying to find out if this would be admissible in court. What are your opinions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 3:30pm

I'm sending strong & confident vibes your way.......


Remember.... take a note pad.... write down notes so that you have the opportunity to *remember* things.... AND to delay your response while you think..... and BREATHE.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 3:35pm
I notice how it seems really important not to bad mouth the other parent. Not that I intended on doing that however, with my ex being so angry at me he may go there with the intention to bad mouth me and i think that might work in my favor. How do I respond if he goes there telling a bunch of lies. He's already accusing me of keeping the baby from him. How can I prove thats not true.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 5:09pm
That's different luvred. He knew he was being recorded and it has evidentiary value.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 8:48am

Document!..... write down when he has opportunities to see the baby and doesn't.... keep a written log of conversations and their content.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 9:09am
As Karen said, I think documentation is your best defense. Make up a journal/timeline of the months before he stopped seeing the baby. As someone else (Jennie?) suggested before, you can pull your old posts from this board to come up with dates and details. I'd keep it very factual, brief, and unemotional so the judge can scan it quickly and it doesn't appear biased. Eg. on May 19 yourex called to see the baby on May 20 at x time. List whether he arrived on time, if he called to reschedule, etc. Keep it brief - don't get into details of arguments, etc. If he called and asked to see the baby and you already had plans, I'd list something like: on May 19 yourex called to see the baby on May 20 at x time. Already had plans to attend church function/birthday party, offered visition at y time instead. Yourex accepted this alternative or refused it and offered another alternative/didn't offer another alternative.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2005
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 12:33pm
You are very welcome! You will do just fine! Relax and be yourself....believe in yourself. :)

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