Child Supp. & Property Settlement Issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2006
Child Supp. & Property Settlement Issues
4
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 5:18pm

Here is the background on my situation. The sperm donor for my older two sons (12 & 13) relinquished his rights and my husband adopted them about 3 years ago. I have been truly unhappy in my marriage of four years for quite some time and asked my husband for the separation and a divorce. I just couldn't fake it anymore. We wanted to keep the attorneys out of it and try to do most of the divorce on our own. We don’t want things to get bitter and would like to try to remain friends for the kids’ sake. I need advice or thoughts on my property settlement and child support issues. With regards to child support, when the adoption was about to take place, I told him that if I'm the one that wanted out of the marriage, that I would not go after him for child support on the boys. The other day he asked me if I was going to make him pay for the older two kids which really hurts and frustrates me. He swears to me that he loves the boys and wants to stay in their lives and promised them that he would. He said that they are his sons and he is going to do what's right by them but doesn't actually want to pay. He said that when he finds a better job he can help out more.

As far as the property settlement goes, he wants half of everything which is fine other than the fact that he doesn't put his truck which is paid for into the equation and is worth at least $12,000. Just before we separated I bought a new car. Now I have a note of $450 per month. So he is expecting to get half of everything including the proceeds from the house and furniture but does not think he should contribute anything towards my car note or giving me some kind of credit for his vehicle. So not only am I not getting any child support but I'm getting screwed on the settlement too. My therapist thinks its my guilt for being the leaver.

I would greatly appreciate any thoughts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 6:11pm

As far as the child support goes, you may not have a choice in the matter. Support is a parents responsibility. He legally adopted them so he is legally financially responsible for them.

As for the property--you get 1/2 of his truck value. He is supposed to get 1/2 the equity--as long as he continues to pay 1/2 the mortgage and marital bills....is he?

You *really* should speak with an attorney. I understand not wanting to involve them, but you have big issues here. You dont need to retain one, just at least consult with one to learn your rights....

Good luck!
Deb

Image hosting by Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2006
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 10:56pm
Right now he is helping with the bills but as soon as we sell the house it will all end and he wants to just pay $200 a month for three kids. I don't know how he expects me to support three kids and myself on that. I know he doesn't make a lot of money but I need to be realistic and so does he. Housing in my area is expensive and rentals are hard to find and are just as much as a house note since Hurricane Katrina hit. I honestly have no problem with giving him half of the house proceeds and half of the furniture but he doesn't want to consider the value of his truck into the equation. I suggested he pay $400 a month and half of the car note. He said that he couldn't survive if he had to pay that. He told me to down grade my car but my commute to work is over an hour and I need a dependable car to get me back and forth to work especially if I'm going to be single. I told him I don't want to take him to the cleaners and that I wanted him to be able to afford a nice place and have money in his pocket for when he does have the kids but I also need to survive. If and when he finds a better job he said he would be more than happy to give me more but I'm not sure I can trust that. I need something in writing. I guess I have no choice but to contact an attorney.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2005
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 12:37am

Please contact a lawyer. I'm no expert I only know my ridiculous situation. But in my state child support is determined by a a table based on how much each of you make. And all of the children that are legally his, he will be responsible for child support. Maritial assests are also divided equally, that does not mean 50/50. See if there is a free legal aid if you can't afford a lawyer. But get some real advice

Good Luck!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 12:21pm

Most of this a matter of black letter law.

You need to distinguish assets and liabilities that were a result of the marriage versus prior to the marriage.

Assets and liabilities should be split 50/50 if they occurred during the marriage. This goes pretty much by the names and dates on the titles.

If something is titled after your marriage date, its joint and split 50/50 . Otherwise, it belongs to either you or him.

Your $450/mo car is a liability of the marriage.

His truck -- depends no when it was titled, and to whom.

This applies to retirements savings too.

As for the kids -- he asked a legitimate question given the circumstances.

I suspect you are legally entitled to child support on his adopted kids -- but that also means he's entitled to visitation and such. And of course, since the kids are both over 12, and adopted, he could get full custody of them requiring that you pay him child support.