Children and Therapy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2005
Children and Therapy?
4
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 8:58am

I was wondering how many people took their children to a therapist while divorcing?

My oldest daughter is 8 years old. The problem with my H started just before her 6th b-day. Long story short, I had several D-Days when I found out about OW and then months of things being good to finding OW was in picture the entire time. (This happened several times over the last 2 1/2 years.) I am finally moving on and selling our home to buy new, smaller one for me and girls. H is now freaking that I may actually divorce his A$$ and wanting to be with family again, too late.

BUT though all this, I know she has been confused and seen me cry alot. Him coming and going, etc. Now with moving, I'm concerned how all of this drama has effected her. I have assured he we will stay in the same town so no changing shools. She seems excited about new house. My sister just moved to new home while divorcing her cheating STBX too. My dd is very close to my nephew, who is one year older. She sees how happy he is and how much he loves his new home, so I used this as an example.

I did contact her school counseler this past year and she said she seemed ok, but we were still trying at that point.

So, did anyone contact therapist for children? If so and why, how was it, etc. For those who didn't, how do you think your kids (especially young ones) are coping?

Thanks for the feedback!
Tracey

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 12:40pm

if you think

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 12:47pm

When my daughter was 4, she was having a hard time, so I called a few therapists, and they all said she might be too young and suggested that I come instead. Her issue was that she'd have a very hard time when she first came home after being with her dad. I've gone a few times and picked up a few good parenting tips. I also got some validation on doing the right thing, since he was abusive.

I finally found a place that would take someone her age, but this is working for now, so it's something I might consider in the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 2:36pm

Yes, I brought my 2 older children, ages 6 & 8 when I first filed for the divorce. My STBX actually came with me and the kids. After a couple sessions the counselor thought everything seemed pretty good with the kids. Then a couple months later I realized that my 8 year old son just was not acting right with me at all. He only wanted his father. So, I made the decision to take him back and found out from the counselor that my STBX has been filling the kids heads with nonsense about me. My counselor said that I have a very confused little boy on my hands. That he really needs to see her once a month for at least 6 months.

Don't get me wrong my son is by no means acting up terribley or anything but like my counselor says, she just gives him somebody to talk to. It is not mommy or daddy. Because right now he doesn't know who to believe. Which I have never said one bad thing about their father and never will. I told the kids that they can tell me or their dad anything. And they can tell there Dad anything that we do, that mommy does, etc. We have no secrets.

Therepy seems to really help my son. He looks forward to going every month.

Hope this helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 3:08pm

I highly recommend thereapy for all kids going through a divorce. Rosie was 6 when we separated, and for the first few months, she seemed fine, but it turned out that she was VERY mad at both me and XH. She actually thought that I didn't want her because I'm the one who moved out of the marital home. (that was easily explained by me alone!!) But her therapist helped her through all the bumps during the divorce and her father's remarriage and it was nice having their (Rosie and the therapist) relationship in place for each one.

The one we chose also does family therapy and we have had joint sessions with me, Rosie, Gracie, and XH and even me, XH, and NW. Getting that kind of help can't hurt, can it?

calla; mom to rosie (10) and gracie (6)

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie