Circumstances surrounding your divorce..
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Circumstances surrounding your divorce..
| Fri, 04-13-2007 - 12:28pm |
There are some obvious, big reasons people get divorced: physical abuse, adultery, substance/alcohol abuse, etc. If you divorced for other reasons, did you ever feel that people thought you didn't try hard enough? I remember going through that. People just couldn't understand the nuances of financial abuse, neglect, and overall cruelty I put up with. They just saw the ex as a swell, fun guy, always willing to help them out. Did you/do you ever feel your reasons for divorcing aren't "big" enough in the eyes of others?

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This is a great topic!
I have been thinking lately about WHY exactly we got divorced, and it is SO complicated! Sometimes people ask me "Why did you two split up?" And honestly, it is so hard to explain because there are so many deep-seated things in our dynamic that couldn't be resolved, mostly stemming from individual childhood issues that transferred into our M that we couldn't escape. He had anger and intimacy issues, yet the lines are so blurred between whether it was me or transferrence, and same with me. I am so sad my M didn't work out, and still a bit confused about why we were so angry with each other all the time. But we were. And it was repressed. I always felt like I was trying to get him to love me but couldn't. Even though I was the one that packed up my bags and moved out, it was him that shut down on me many years earlier. I was so lonely in so many ways.
ANyway when people ask, I just say "After 13 years with one person, married so young, we both grew and changed in different directions."
I am still so heartbroken over the end of my M two years later.
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