Co-Workers Found Out the News
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| Tue, 04-18-2006 - 8:20pm |
Ok, just a little update and maybe some advice to others newly separated. To make a long story short(er), my STBX moved out March 31 and I haven't told too many people. Just two friends, my family, and some in the neighborhood figured it out. I hadn't told my co-workers because I didn't want to be the talk of the school (I teach), nor did I really want to divulge details to them or well-meaning parents who would then find out. Anyway, one friend who knew that he had moved out, accidentally let it be known yesterday that I have my new house for sale and I'm looking for another. Of course, that led to questions and I blurted out "I need a new house because I'm living in mine w/o my husband now." It got suddenly quiet and they apologized and tried to soothe me. I basically ran out crying and went to my room so I could take a Xanax. It was hard to face some people later that day who came to check on me and offer support. One divorced friend even wrote a kind note stating "we are all here to support you. And we still care for you and respect you." (Thank goodness I didn't get that note til after school since I cried again). I think I needed to hear that I would still be liked and respected, and not thought of as "that woman getting a divorce, and what is wrong with her?"
I guess my advice to newly separated women is to go ahead and tell your co-workers and friends. THey can support you, give you advice, and just listen. I'm so glad that I've crossed this hurdle that I've been dreading. People who have been through this difficult time are usually very supportive and understanding.
Thanks to everyone on here too! Jo

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Your peace of mind is worth a LOT... and no matter what he's saying, if you always take the neutral high road (of course, opening up to closer friends is always OK as long as they keep your conversations private!).... but if your comments about the marriage are always neutral, not placing blame "the public" will more likely respect you for not laying the nitty gritty all out... and if your EX is playing the victim and blaming you in his conversations.... well, those who judge you harshly are those that you shouldn't waste your time with.
Now what's the JoDee Messina song.... "I want a man to stand beside me, not in front of or behind me..."
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
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