Communicating with STBX about visitation

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Communicating with STBX about visitation
5
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 11:41am

Today at work (we work together) my STBX states "I wish you would give me more notice about the kids staying at the house instead of packing their suitcase and telling me the morning of". I'm floored. I called him Sunday night - left a vm - asking "do you want the kids to stay over on Monday after my older sons basketball practice or do you want to meet to exchange the kids" He calls me back about 1/2 hour later and says it's too late to drop off kids (B-ball is from 7 - 8 p.m.) he would just keep them and bring them to daycare in the morning. I thought we were in agreement. Apparantely he forgot the conversation cuz he was out with buddies drinking.

My question. What is the best way to communicate with someone who has selective memory? I'm thinking text message because he is not always in front of a computer like I am so email may not work. We don't have set visitation yet so it's not like it's in writing and known ahead of time.

Is there any other forms of communicating besides the verbal & email that might work?

Thanks for your help.

Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 12:48pm

Put something in writing.... even if it's informal.


When we've got a lot going on that means we have to deviate from our regular schedule (band practices, games, competitions, ACT test, driver training... you name it), I give him a calendar... I note the school calendar, when they're out of school, spring break plans and summer vacation plans.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 12:53pm
My stbxh and I use an online calender. We use google but, I know yahoo has one too. Google has an excellent free email service, homepage, calender, photo sharing and much, much more. When you logon to your homepage you can access the calender by clicking my account. It is really excellent. You can have a color coded bar for each person. I can see my stbxh schedule in orange, my schedule in blue and visitiation in red. It is great because, everyones stuff is in one place but, can easily be accessed at any computer. It can also be shared with friends and relatives and you can determine who has what level of access to each schedule (as far as viewing or editing). Gee, I feel like Google should be paying me to advertise! Ha, ha, ha...seriously, its great.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 4:29pm
Thanks for your help - This is all still new for me and STBX is being difficult. States he doesn't want a "set" visitation. I think he gets off and having the control. Part of our original problem. Anyways, I have given him a copy of the B-Ball & Hockey schedules but he misplaced it. I will try the weekly schedule with a smile :)
Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 4:37pm
Thanks for the plug :) for google. I just signed in and took a look - seems simple enough for me however STBX isn't so computer saavy. I will mention it to him and maybe my 11 year old can help him with it.
Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 4:40pm

Well, just tell him, "this is the schedule for the week, I need to know now what you intend to do so that I can be sure that I have alternate plans lined up, if needed."


My EX wanted that control, too... but once he figured out that I wasn't going to hinge everything on him, he sort of saw things differently and began to be a player, rather than sit on the bench and wait to jump in at the last minute.


Good luck.... remember.... perception.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~