communication after separation

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
communication after separation
6
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 6:47pm
I need some advice. I came on here before when my husband asked for a separation and you all were wonderful and now I'm in need of some more good stuff. He has been calling me non-stop lately and wants me to come over for dinner. I asked him if his feelings have changed and he said that he didn't know and didn't think that me coming over for dinner would hurt our situation. I told him that I wasn't going to see him again till he wanted to move forward b/c I couldn't take getting my heart broken again. I really want to see him but don't want to put myself in a position where I could possibly get stomped on again. I am very confused...part of me says yes and go to dinner. The other side of me thinks that I should have zero contact with him till he gets his act together and wants to work on our marriage. Any ideas??????
Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 7:20pm

While I can certainly understand wanting to see him, since he is offering, don't you think that allowing that would be letting him have his cake and eat it too? I just don't know if you're in a place yet where you can be "just friends" yet, which is what this could be, since he wants to see you without any commitment of working on the marriage... as hard as it is, if I were in your shoes, I would attempt to stay at the zero contact until he is willing to work on it as it is a defense mechanism for you and you don't need to be so vulnerable right now...

Good Luck!

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:14pm

I kind of agree with Julie.... but at least you have some sense about where you are right now.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 4:06pm

Tough one here. My x2b did the same thing. Kicked me out then came back wanting to "talk". Because of the child I agreed to counseling. needless to say 2 years later I asked him to leave and we have been seperated ever since (waiting for the court to have 15 min to finalize, apparently everyone in my county needs a divorce!) I can't say I completely regret taking him back because I believe everything happens for a reason. However, I think I made a mistake in wasting those two years.

If you want to see him, then have coffee. Go to Starbucks or some place similiar and have 1 cup and then leave. After that see what happens. If he does decide to want to work things out then go to counseling before moving back in. Even if it doesn't save your marriage it can at least help you understand your role in it and how you truly feel about it.

Keep us updated

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 6:40pm
Thanks! I really like your idea of a quick get together. We decided that we are going to have drinks tonight and just talk. I am thinking that I want to take the "show no emotion" route and just sit and talk about anything but us. I don't want to get emotional b/c every time we talk about us we both get upset(which should happen). Anyways, I'll let you all know how it ends up. I'm anxious to see him after 3 weeks....
Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 11:09pm

Good Luck with it! Keep us posted and let us know how it goes...

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 11:18am

I wish you the best of luck. Just remember you have as much say in where this relationship goes as he does. Do not let him make all the decisions.

I hope you find what will make you happy! Keep us updated!