confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
confused
14
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 7:50am

Hi everyone,
i am pretty new here. I am so confused. My hub and I have been married 5 years ,we have a 2 year old child. We moved accross the U.S to try to find a better lifestyle for our daughter..have her grow up in the country, experience snow..etc. Well our move is killing..killed? our relationship. Fighting,money problems..etc. I am visiting back home soon to try to clear my head and figure things out...been thinking a lot about leaving.
I wonder though because of our daughter is this going to be the right thing to do. I have lost so much respect for my husband and I think he to me as well. I feel we love eachother but not in love any longer, and I can't picture things being back to how they used to. How do you know how to make the right choice. I have made so many wrong decisions the last 2 years, I am so afraid to make yet the biggest mistake.

Thank you for any suggestions or input,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: mom_bettyboop
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 8:46am
You have to ask yourself if moving back is the right thing for you, or the right thing for dd. Usually children are best off being as close as possible to both parents, even if the parents don't like each other. Moving away from him can destroy the relationship she has with him and that will affect her the rest of her life in ways you might not be able to imagine right now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
In reply to: mom_bettyboop
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 9:39am
You may be right...maybe he will move back as well then. Financially and emotionally we would be better back home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: mom_bettyboop
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 12:05pm

Could it be that if you both moved back..... still as a married couple..... looked into some counseling (if for nothing else to try to save a parenting relationship)... that things could be different????


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
In reply to: mom_bettyboop
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 12:43pm
Thanks for your input. That is kinda where I may be getting at. We do have alot involved here and more to it. But... that is where we were so happy , I think he would get extremely pist though if that is what I said....,but at this point..I don't care. I need to finally be honest and truthful as can be. I did tell him that I was going to CA to go visit with family , and he does not want me to go, he does not think we will return(my daughter and I) sometimes I get scared because when he asks me if I made reservations yet he says nothing will seperate him from his child and does not want me to go.
I have not told him that indeed I have made reservations.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
In reply to: mom_bettyboop
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 5:13pm

I definitely agree with the general "jist" of the advice given by the other ladies.


If you move back, try counceling. If you guys still love each other, there is still hope. Try EVERYTHING you can before leaving the situation. Once you felt you have tried everything... then make your decision.


Good luck and please keep us updated!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
In reply to: mom_bettyboop
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 7:04am

Thanks ladies...
but sometimes like yesterday, I get so angry and feel okay now I really know this is it. Sometimes..usually..lately and sadly I just can't stand him!
What if he doesn't like the idea of going back"home"? Am I forced to stay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
In reply to: mom_bettyboop
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 7:11am
Could I go back "home " even if he didn't want, with intentions of straightening ourselves and finances out? Right now we are barely paying bills and not making ANY money because of the restaurant we purchased. Now in a year our payments from our biz we sold to move out will stop. And I am scared to death! If I go back..I have a secured well paying job that will help us catch up and pay off high debt that is by the way ALL in my name because he has terrible credit. My daughter and I would have a home to stay , a car,
a top preschool while I am at work and basically my brother will help me straighten out all the debt we encured.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: mom_bettyboop
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 7:20am

Yes... it's very likely that a judge would allow a move if you can show that you'd have a good job that will help keep you from risking bankruptcy or more debt.... but, as I said.... please talk to an attorney where you are living now before you make any moves.


Many times moves are "blessed" by the courts for those kinds of reasons (employment), however, if he chooses to stay where he is now, it's quite possible that since you're the one moving away that you'd be responsible for paying half.... if not all... of the transportation costs to get your child to visit dad.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
In reply to: mom_bettyboop
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 7:35am

sometimes distance can make or break a relationship/marriage. I guess it's a risk you have to take. If you truly believe that it will help, go. If there is any doubt..... stay and work on the marriage.


If I were in your shoes. I would make the move with everyone. Try and make him see that this is what is best for your family.... fully disregarding his own feelings for himself ( if he wants to stay for his own ideas ). Your family has to come first.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
In reply to: mom_bettyboop
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 8:41am

You are never forced to do anything. You have to do what is right for your family, if he doesn't want to go, then that means you and your child.


Good luck. I wish you the very best in any decision you make.


Hugs,


Angelena



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