Confused

Avatar for ppro
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Confused
2
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 10:35pm

Hi this is my first time on this board. I have been a member of other boards a few years ago and know how great and supportive ivillage members are.

My husband just left yesterday.. I am hurt and sad.. can't stop crying... But I was the one that asked for him to leave. We were together for 10 years and I am terrified. Our marraige was full of mostly downs, verbal abuse, control, drinking, online cheating.. I mean I know why... I would, could never be happy with this person... but I sit here crying.

I think my biggest hurt right now is the fact that I found out he left my house and went to another womens house.. I feel replaced and disguarded...but why why do I care.... I WANTED THIS... sorry for the capps just yelling at myslef!

I have ben trying for 3 months to try to make this a "friendly" split... yes I am crazy... I sat and talked and held him as he cried... When he threatened to hang himself on new years day I begged him not too... and when he walked out finally and reminded me of my reasons... calling me names and telling me he hopes the next person I am with beats the $#!t out of me... yes warm parting words... then why why and I soooooo sad and crying...

THank you for letting me vent... I am just so hurt right now and I just want to get back to the reasons I made the decision...

Thank you for listening
Paula

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2006
In reply to: ppro
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 1:39am
Hi ppro. Your reaction is completely normal. It is heart-breaking to end a marriage (or any intimate relationship), even if you are the one who wants (or needs) to get out. I had the same experience in my first marriage... I wanted him out for a year, had found out he was in legal trouble and was cheating on me and STILL was devastated when he did actually leave. Now, almost 10 years later, I've realized I need to get out of my second marriage (which has been shortlived and troubled from the start.) It is unhealthy, he crosses numerous lines in how he treats me and still I have been working on this marriage, trying to "save" it... even though I am very unhappy and not even sure if I love him anymore. Yet, when I think about leaving or asking him to leave, it is too sad to bear to go through that devastation again. I'm proud of your courage - I hope I gather mine soon. My therapist says the best advice is to treat yourself as well as you can, keep busy and socially active if possible with friends/family and most of all don't be too hard on yourself. You are allowed, and expected, to grieve. It took me years the first time and I expect it will take me a long time with this divorce as well. I hope you find the support you need and that your pain subsides soon. My thoughts are with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: ppro
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 10:39am

Hi Paula,


It's a change... even if you know it's for the best.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~