Hi. Welcome to the board. We hope you find support and help here during this time.
First, don't feel rushed to date. You've been wounded and it takes time to heal. When you are ready for a dating relationship you'll want to be whole and feel better about yourself. Then, it will be less frightening to date and to be selective about whom you date.
Secondly, it sounds like your EX is trying to lay guilt on you as if you had anything to do with whether HE was happy! You weren't responsible for making him happy although that's what it sounds like he's trying to tell. HE had the capacity to change himself and waiting around for you do something wasn't fair.
Sounds to me like he has regrets about the divorce too or he wouldn't be whining about it. And don't take his swift race into the dating scene as a sign of "moving on." If anything, he's too freaked out to be by himself which means he's numbing his own pain with another relationship. The fact your now "available" too probably freaks him out because its possible for someone else to love you.
In the meantime, I recommend a terrific book called, "Rebuilding: When your relationship ends." by Bruce Fisher.
If it were bad enough that you were willing to go through the trauma of a seperation then there are probably some real valid reasons for you not to go back to him. Besides why are you waiting for him to ask you back? You were the one who asked for the seperation, have you told him you wanted him back? Given him the option? Who cares if he has a girlfriend, you can still ask if its what you want. I think though, its not really what you want. You are waiting for him to validate you, and that's just never going to happen, at least not when you want it too.
I'm in the opposite situation. I only left when I had tried everything and could think of nothing else, and was willing to give it all up. He always told me if I asked for a seperation that was it no coming back, but now he's constantly asking for me to come back and I'm through. I never would have gone through the pain of leaving just to get him to wake up especially with all his warnings, but he seems to think that's why I've done it. Its not fair either way, we can't make them do what we want all we can do is to pursue what we think is best for ourselves, even if it makes us sad.
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Tell me about it! its been almost 30 yrs in total me and my ex husband were together.
I'm like you also.
Thanks for the advice.
It takes time.
Lesac,
Hi. Welcome to the board. We hope you find support and help here during this time.
First, don't feel rushed to date. You've been wounded and it takes time to heal. When you are ready for a dating relationship you'll want to be whole and feel better about yourself. Then, it will be less frightening to date and to be selective about whom you date.
Secondly, it sounds like your EX is trying to lay guilt on you as if you had anything to do with whether HE was happy! You weren't responsible for making him happy although that's what it sounds like he's trying to tell. HE had the capacity to change himself and waiting around for you do something wasn't fair.
Sounds to me like he has regrets about the divorce too or he wouldn't be whining about it. And don't take his swift race into the dating scene as a sign of "moving on." If anything, he's too freaked out to be by himself which means he's numbing his own pain with another relationship. The fact your now "available" too probably freaks him out because its possible for someone else to love you.
In the meantime, I recommend a terrific book called, "Rebuilding: When your relationship ends." by Bruce Fisher.
Take care and let us know how you're doing.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
I'm having a rough couple of days.
lesac3,
If it were bad enough that you were willing to go through the trauma of a seperation then there are probably some real valid reasons for you not to go back to him. Besides why are you waiting for him to ask you back? You were the one who asked for the seperation, have you told him you wanted him back? Given him the option? Who cares if he has a girlfriend, you can still ask if its what you want. I think though, its not really what you want. You are waiting for him to validate you, and that's just never going to happen, at least not when you want it too.
I'm in the opposite situation. I only left when I had tried everything and could think of nothing else, and was willing to give it all up. He always told me if I asked for a seperation that was it no coming back, but now he's constantly asking for me to come back and I'm through. I never would have gone through the pain of leaving just to get him to wake up especially with all his warnings, but he seems to think that's why I've done it. Its not fair either way, we can't make them do what we want all we can do is to pursue what we think is best for ourselves, even if it makes us sad.
I can't believe how much
We know that most relationships right out of divorce are rebound relationships and they dont last.
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