Confused and Heartbroken

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Confused and Heartbroken
3
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 5:04pm

I have been married 3 years and the past year (or more) have been difficult. More often than not we have been fighting, arguing, or just not even talking to each other. We dated for quite awhile (I was 18 when we first started dating and I am now 26).

I had some anxiety prior to getting married, thinking this is not what I really wanted to do, but I ignored those feelings attributing it to pre-wedding jitters. Now I am having those same anxious feelings and they won't go away. We have seen a couselor and that has not helped. I have tried to ignore these feelings hoping only the good will shine through - all of the bad feelings keep surfacing. I have talked to my friends about this, my sister, and my dad and have gotten different opinions. A lot of people say "oh you're so good together" but they don't know what goes on behind closed doors - we're just making it look good. They don't understand the anguish that I am going through!!!!!

Today we had the talk (again!!!) and I think it has been finalized to get a divorce. However, it tears me apart seeing my husband cry and get hurt, even though deep down he knows neither of us are happy. When I see him hurt it makes me second guess my/our decision. Someone pls offer some support and helpful words to help me better understand my situation! Thanks so much for reading this and helping me out!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 7:58am
Hang in there and stay true to what you feel is right. No one is experiencing what you are except you. It doesn't matter what they think you need to be happy, but remember happiness comes from within. I am going through my 2nd divorce and alot of people thought we were good togethor but they weren't there for all of the verbal abuse. I stayed 6 long years for the sake of the kids and I found a part of me has died and I was evolving into the type of person I did not want to be. I hope this helps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 3:48pm

Thanks for the input. It is hard.. I thought I would feel a huge weight lifted from my shoulders but I think more has been added! The part that makes it hardest is.. he is a decent guy but I think we had grown up and just changed too much where I don't feel I am truly in love with him anymore.
The other night he had said that he was a good husband because he let's me go out with my girlfriends. That is nice of him but if I was truly in love then I wouldn't want to go out with them all of the time so in the end, something is not right. I don't want to hurt him and I know if I stay with him I may just do that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 5:12pm
Divorce is very hard wether you want it or not. I feel it is like experiencing a death, except you have to deal with the ghost forever if you have kids togethor. I was deeply in love with my first husband (who cheated on me) and I would still go out with my girlfriends to have fun. Even though I would occassionally go out with them didn't mean I loved him any less. I hope this helps. It is a very hard long process. As I said in the first post be true to your feelings only you know what is right for you.