Confused & hurt
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Confused & hurt
| Sun, 09-09-2007 - 1:40am |
My husband brought up a seperation 2 days before our 3rd anniversary. I was shocked, I had no idea anything was even wrong. We had just been talking earlier that day about how easy our marriage seemed compared to others, how easily we got along and how happy we were. Turns out he has just been feeding me lies, figured it was easier that way. Decided that he could make himself happy enough with me. He agrees to go ahead and give it a try for a little while. I am doing everything in my power to try to make things work, no effect whatsoever. So then he decides that he wants to move out and then try to work things out. Now he couldn't afford to move out yet so he has been sleeping on the couch. We are getting along fine, just a little awkward. So a couple weeks later we are having dinner with my best friend, who has just recently kicked her husband out. Well we only live 2 doors down from each other so he came home to finish up something and she is running to her moms to pick something up. I get online to send him a message letting him know what is going on and when dinner will be ready and see that she already had one up with him, no big deal they talk all the time. They are complaining about me because I was telling her how I didn't want my marriage to end but I am getting nothing from him, then I see that she has said she can't stop thinking about him and he just wants to hold her...you get the point. There were even a few "I love you"s in there.
I come down to our place to confront him and guess who is there and hasn't left yet? Well come to find out, she says she is in love with him, can't be happy with anyone but MY husband. He admits to having feeling for her but nothing else. I feel like I have been betrayed and lied to by my husband and my BF, the two people I trusted most in the world. I tried to be her friend still and I tried to work things out with him, they are just so secretive and I keep finding out about times they have gone places together. I just don't think I can trust them. And he refused to back off and leave her alone for a while so we could work on our marriage.
So now I am pretty much done emotionally. I don't think I can take anymore. We have a son that will be 2 soon, and I wanted him to have a real family. My H doesn't love me anymore, he came right out and said it. He has been staying here for the last month even though we are seperated and it was driving me crazy. He has changed so much and I didn't even see it. Last night I just needed to get out so I went with my mom somewhere for a couple hours. He starts bugging me asking when i will be back because he wants to get out. I told him he would have to get used to that when he had our son if he was going to be a single dad. Then he starts threatening to take him from me. Tells me that he will make this whole thing as painful as possible. I just don't know what happened to him, he is not the type of person to use fear against me.
I am so confused because I do love him and I do want our family together, but I really don't want to be with him. I know he won't change his mind anyway but it is hard. I asked him to leave last night, I just couldn't deal with him threatening me with our son. I don't know what to do, I have never been on my own and now suddenly I am a single mom.
Any advice or support would be great, I really don't have anyone around that I can talk to.
I come down to our place to confront him and guess who is there and hasn't left yet? Well come to find out, she says she is in love with him, can't be happy with anyone but MY husband. He admits to having feeling for her but nothing else. I feel like I have been betrayed and lied to by my husband and my BF, the two people I trusted most in the world. I tried to be her friend still and I tried to work things out with him, they are just so secretive and I keep finding out about times they have gone places together. I just don't think I can trust them. And he refused to back off and leave her alone for a while so we could work on our marriage.
So now I am pretty much done emotionally. I don't think I can take anymore. We have a son that will be 2 soon, and I wanted him to have a real family. My H doesn't love me anymore, he came right out and said it. He has been staying here for the last month even though we are seperated and it was driving me crazy. He has changed so much and I didn't even see it. Last night I just needed to get out so I went with my mom somewhere for a couple hours. He starts bugging me asking when i will be back because he wants to get out. I told him he would have to get used to that when he had our son if he was going to be a single dad. Then he starts threatening to take him from me. Tells me that he will make this whole thing as painful as possible. I just don't know what happened to him, he is not the type of person to use fear against me.
I am so confused because I do love him and I do want our family together, but I really don't want to be with him. I know he won't change his mind anyway but it is hard. I asked him to leave last night, I just couldn't deal with him threatening me with our son. I don't know what to do, I have never been on my own and now suddenly I am a single mom.
Any advice or support would be great, I really don't have anyone around that I can talk to.

I'm so sorry things are so rough for you right now. I can imagine the hurt you feel. Apparently there was a break down in the relationship a long time ago where he found something in your best friend. Lying to you and "keeping up appearances" was what he did to try to keep it all together just in case this other relationship didn't work out. Kind of keeping you on the back burner. He uses fear and your son against you because that's the only ammo he has right now. He's scared and knows that the only thing that will make you pay attention is your son. He won't be able to take your son from you, that's not the way it works. My husband did this to me too, so I went to a lawyer and got the facts. He didn't think I'd do something like that. I hope things get better. It's important that you take care of yourself and don't let him back in the house. It's not fair to you that he's in and out again and you are separated. Let him go stay with friends or whatever.
Hang in there!
You need to get yourself to counseling asap -- you need SUPPORT. This is a nightmare of betrayal--get yourself some irl support. Also, a lawyer so you know your rights. Also, collect all financial data.
When a spouse starts behaving this way (changed person) you can no longer trust them to be who you thought they were -- you have to protect yourself and your son.
I am SO SO sorry you are having to experience this.
Hugs,
M