confused, scared sick to my stomach....
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confused, scared sick to my stomach....
| Sun, 01-14-2007 - 10:26am |
heres my situation now......
I told my stbx on news years day i want a divorce im done with the bull crap, long story but enough to make me want to get out fast.....
we are still living in the same house, its my house in my name ect......i am looking for a new house and trying to get my crap together for my 3 kids ( 2 from 1st marrige and one with him) he has 2 from 1st marrige)last sat night i had to calll 911 and he went to the hospital with stomach pains he was throwing up for 2 days I thought it was a pitty cry so i ignored him until he said he needed to go to the hospital.... i called his father to meet him at the hospital, i was home with all 5 kids.....he had surgery on sat night a intesimnal hernia and a blockage it was a majar surgery and i still dont want him back ( I know im mean) I brought his two older kids from his 1st marrge to see him sunday and left my 2 older ones with our 2 yr old at home.on tuesday I brought our 2 year old up to see him he the baby was scared so we stayed about 45 min I left..... wed. he had an infection and they had to go back in .... I have not been back he told me im not a nice person i should be there and bring the kids up ( his mother has been bringing his older kids up ) no one has called here they are all mad at me for "giving up" and being "mean"
he has not told his kids we are divorceing so its hard for me to pack anything as they come here after school everyday.......mt 2 yearold now has a viral infection.... so i cant go anyway...
what i am asking is what do you all think of this I cant just fill him with false HOPE by going everyday, plus I cant bring the baby anyway.... i feel like a jerk because no one is talking to me they are all treating mer like I DID SOMETHING WRONG, BE LEAVING HIM!! i care and want him to get better BUT i dont want him back hes been in the hospital for 1 week and they dont know how long he is going to be there.....the bank is ready to take this house, we are late on the mtg because he has not had a real job in 2 years works part time for a drunk so even though hes gone 40-60 hours a week he brings home about 200. my mtg payment is 2500. plus all the other bills... i work my butt off ( i can work from home) and make way more then him plus my child support from my 1st husband.....
please help with what i should do say or feel because my head is spinning!!!!!!
I told my stbx on news years day i want a divorce im done with the bull crap, long story but enough to make me want to get out fast.....
we are still living in the same house, its my house in my name ect......i am looking for a new house and trying to get my crap together for my 3 kids ( 2 from 1st marrige and one with him) he has 2 from 1st marrige)last sat night i had to calll 911 and he went to the hospital with stomach pains he was throwing up for 2 days I thought it was a pitty cry so i ignored him until he said he needed to go to the hospital.... i called his father to meet him at the hospital, i was home with all 5 kids.....he had surgery on sat night a intesimnal hernia and a blockage it was a majar surgery and i still dont want him back ( I know im mean) I brought his two older kids from his 1st marrge to see him sunday and left my 2 older ones with our 2 yr old at home.on tuesday I brought our 2 year old up to see him he the baby was scared so we stayed about 45 min I left..... wed. he had an infection and they had to go back in .... I have not been back he told me im not a nice person i should be there and bring the kids up ( his mother has been bringing his older kids up ) no one has called here they are all mad at me for "giving up" and being "mean"
he has not told his kids we are divorceing so its hard for me to pack anything as they come here after school everyday.......mt 2 yearold now has a viral infection.... so i cant go anyway...
what i am asking is what do you all think of this I cant just fill him with false HOPE by going everyday, plus I cant bring the baby anyway.... i feel like a jerk because no one is talking to me they are all treating mer like I DID SOMETHING WRONG, BE LEAVING HIM!! i care and want him to get better BUT i dont want him back hes been in the hospital for 1 week and they dont know how long he is going to be there.....the bank is ready to take this house, we are late on the mtg because he has not had a real job in 2 years works part time for a drunk so even though hes gone 40-60 hours a week he brings home about 200. my mtg payment is 2500. plus all the other bills... i work my butt off ( i can work from home) and make way more then him plus my child support from my 1st husband.....
please help with what i should do say or feel because my head is spinning!!!!!!

Slow down, for one. The finances are a problem. Sort that out, but don't try to move now with a sick kid and a husband in the hospital.
Are you in physical danger from him (when he is not in the hospital)? If so, then find a shelter or a friend you and the kids can stay with for awhile while you sort things out.
For the kids' sake don't rush things. You have to have a plan. The separation will cause enough trauma, but if they have no stability after that it just compounds their suffering.
You don't say why you are leaving. If it isn't about physical or emotional abuse, then maybe being kind is ok. My h and I are civil to each other while we plan our separation and divorce. It isn't easy, mind you. I think he is wrong, selfish, self-absorbed and I hope providence punishes him for the pain he will inflict on his kids with his leaving, but, for them, I *try* to keep my cool.
If, this is a case of safety, then you do need to take steps quickly, but if not ... again, it is ok to be kind and it is ok to be civil and it is ok to have a plan to help the children before the separation.
Just my 2 cents; I don't have all the facts so pardon me if I am overstepping.
M
Take care of yourself and your kids and dont worry about what people think of you.
just my honest opinion
Do what you feel is right. H's family is starting to hate me too. They think I'm crazy and need a psychiatrist to be honest. No one in their right mind would leave their precious boy. He's so perfect and loving. Fact was he was emotionally abusive, selfish, pushy and overbearing. But they never saw that.
Leaving is extremely hard when the other person doesn't want you to go. You probably have it harder because of his illness. I'm very sorry for that. But IMO, feeling sorry for him is not a good enough reason to go back to him. I also feel your pain about not wanting to give him false hope. I cut all contact with H, because it seemed he'd take any tidbit he could and turn it into hope. Ever see the movie Dumb and Dumber? To paraphrase: Him: "What are my chances?" Her: "One in a million." Him: "So there's a chance?" Ugh!!!!!
Anyway, we've been separated since November and his begging and pleading with me is getting worse. I am preparing to file. I hope that will be a big enough wake up call to get him to accept it and move on. Unfortunately, I think he'll try to get revenge rather than let go.
I doubt that helps you much. My point, I guess, was even though you feel bad about it, for whatever reason, you ALSO have a reason for wanting out. For me it was the emotional abuse. Feeling bad will not make me change my mind. It's very hard to deal with emotionally, but I know what I need to do and I'm sticking to that plan. He sounds so sincere in his messages to me. But frankly, he was not a nice man and didn't treat me well. If he loved me, he should have thought about that long ago.
Don't rush it, but don't stay out of guilt. If you want to try to work it out, go for it. If not, plan accordingly. Keep things stable for the kids and keep things less traumatic for them if you can. I worry about my daughter. My son is too young to get too upset by this. She's not really taking it well though. But I'm doing my best. We are living with my parents but are moving in to our own place in a few weeks.