The Confusion
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| Fri, 09-07-2007 - 3:16pm |
The Confusion is the husband doesn't know what separation is in itself. We agreed I would stay here so that our child would not know about the separation until we made a decision about divorcing. I agreed to one year of counseling. But more and more I want just to be divorced. We don't have an extra bedroom where I could sleep and he knows after I take Ambien I go to sleep but wake in the middle of the night "amorous". He is taking advantage of that and it sends signals that I am still in this deal. Last weekend I got my nails done and a pedicure. he was livid because instead of going with him and our child to the movie I wanted to have that done. He needs to learn to do things with just her. And I need to learn to take care of me. I have NEVER had my nails done and I have only had one pedicure that MY MOM PAID for. I don't ask for things for me often so I didn't think it was a big deal. But he is even more tight fisted now that I am wanting a divorce. I have been a homemaker or volunteer for 20 of the 23 years of our marriage and trying to get a job is a laugh.If I could find a small bed I would put it in the computer room. I am so sad today and feel so old and ugly. In my heart I know that's not true but it's the way I feel. He is also mad because I am taking better care of my self and use wrinkle cream and firming cream at night. But all I do is stay home or go window shopping with my wacky GF Susan. I really don't want to do the marriage counseling. I tried to get a legal separation but it costs as much as a divorce and the lawyers advice if it was uncontested go straight for the divorce. A close friend jumped all over me saying what a good man he is and I'm ungrateful and he has loved me through all I have gone through with my depression, she never once thought that the depression might be fostered by him so that he could control me. But I got on a new anti depressant and It WOKE me up. It's like I have been in a fog for 8 years. BUT I am awake now and seeing things for what they are. He had some tests done for his annual physical and some things came back bad. If he is sick I will stay with him until he is better. I do owe him that much.
Saelee


I always hated when people said "what a good father he was" or "what a good husband/person he was". People tend to put on their masks when out with other people.....
Take care of you. You are doing things for yourself-which is allowed! I dont do much for myself (I've been divorced for a while now), but when I do, it feels sooo good!
Can you sit him down to talk? "This week, I'll sleep on the couch. Next week it's your turn". You need to set boundaries now because he may be getting mixed signals-and that is most likely frustrating him.
I've always said don't pay for a separation. To get things legalized and put on paper, file for divorce, get the issues on paper (custody, child support, alimony/maintenance, etc) then put the divorce on hold. You may want to consider this......
Are you in counseling? Could that help save your marriage? Or what about Individual counseling? That might help you keep the fog gone and see things more clear....
Hang in there. Once things get started, a weight will be lifted..I know it did for me!
Deb
Deb Thanks!
What does it mean to be seperated anyway. What difference is there when we are living together? WHat rights do I have now that I wanted when we seperated. He still calls me 3-4 times a day to see where I am, what I'm doing. He uses the excuse about my meds and depression that he is "checkingon me" to see if "I'm Alright". I am going to tell him I'll call him if I need him. I want that to be less and less.
I am iin indiividual counseling and on antidepressants. I see a therapist and a Psychiatrist. We began counseling last week but it's involved. Now it's set up each Monday from 5:30-6:00. We'll see what goes on. I just want to be free. Is that so horrible.
Saelee
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