Confusion about lawyers???

Avatar for josie_glausier
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Confusion about lawyers???
2
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 8:47am

I'm just confused about this whole situation.

Now, I'm no pro when it comes to lawyers and divorces, but, correct me if I'm wrong here, you only need two lawyers if he's going to contest the divorce, right? Stupid me, I had this vision of him and me sitting down, working things out on paper together, who gets what, when visitation will happen, how much child support, etc., and both of us presenting it to ONE lawyer, who takes it to a judge to sign off and approve. I guess I'm just ignorant and naive. He says to me that he's going to get a lawyer too, because he's "not getting screwed out of anything." I have absolutely NO intentions on screwing him out of anything, and I'd like to work out a more flexible visitation arrangement. He keeps telling me to let him know when I'm going to get a lawyer so he can get one too. Little does he know I've already got a lawyer, I'm just waiting for some information from my HR department about my life insurance and 401k information. But my lawyer said there's an uncontested "no-fault" divorce, which is relatively inexpensive, to where we sit down and agree on everything, sign the papers, take it to the judge, and voila, we're divorced. Then there's the S.O.B. divorce (yes, you know what those initals stand for, LOL), where he is a pain in the butt and we have to sue for custody, child support, alimony, and EVERYTHING. The S.O.B. divorce is where I kick him out, get a restraining order, and serve him papers, which can cost $3,000. The uncontested divorce would cost half of that! I have the money, that's not a problem, but I would MUCH rather spend some of that money on some of my medical bills so I can live without those payments, and take the rest of it to use for a down payment on a car (I need a new car, BAD, mine's falling apart).

But, he's being mean. I think he's going to try to fight for the custody to be joint custody all the way around, which I am not willing to do. I was the one that busted my butt through college to support them, I took more time with them and did more things with them. I am not willing to give them up for half the year! I don't want to split it up month-by-month or week-by-week because that's unfair for them! They won't have a home, they'll just be shipped back and forth, and that's not fair! Besides, I don't think he's the best influence on the kids. Our 5 year old knew what beer was at 2 1/2! :o(

Can someone give me some insight on the lawyer business. He's already consulted a lawyer, which has given him a higher price range than MY lawyer gave me, so it could end up costing a total of about $7,500-8,000 for us to get divorced, and that's pure ridiculous in my opinion! That money can be better spent on trying to make our lives as comfortable as we can when we are apart! He could use his $5,000 he'd spend on a lawyer to get himself started out somewhere. He makes decent money, not the best, but enough to get by. But that money can be better spent elsewhere.

Am I nuts for thinking we could work things out together? I mean, come on, we haven't been able to work anything out together in almost 8 years, why should I think we could start now??

Thanks for opinions!

Josie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 10:45am
You should both at least consult with your own lawyer before coming to a final agreement. Each having your own lawyer doesn't mean you can't sit down and come to an agreement or that it has to be a contested, expensive divorce. But neither of you likely fully understands your rights and entitlements. Consulting with your own lawyer will ensure each of you is getting a fair deal. You both have to be in agreement that your goal is to have a fair settlement and keep costs to a minimum in order for this to work. If one of you is vindictive and wants to drag out the process, then you will likely be looking at increased legal fees.
Avatar for josie_glausier
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 11:11am

Thank you for clearing that up. I was terrified that him getting a lawyer would mean he's going to contest and cause problems with the divorce. I don't want to make this any more difficult for either one of us, or our kids. Thank you!

Josie