Considering divorce...feeling so alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Considering divorce...feeling so alone
5
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 12:09pm

OK, I just need to get this off my chest.

I am considering divorce. My H and I were separated 2 years ago, but decided to reconcile.

I am so painfully lonely in this marriage, it is awful. He is never home (either out with friends, working extra hours that he doesn't need to, etc). On the rare occasions he is home, he is so cold and avoids me at any cost. If I bring up ANYTHING that isn't fun or light (such as bills, etc), he screams he can't talk about it now, and storms out.

We have a 10 year old son who is always asking where his dad is. Most of the time, I have no way to contact him, or he ignores my calls. I feel like a single parent. I can't believe that healthy marriages should operate like this. He says he's happy, and we spend plenty of time together. Trust me, if we all have dinner together once a week, that's a lot. Most nights, it's just me and our son.

I feel very stupid for allowing him to walk all over me all these years. I feel so ashamed and alone. Thanks for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 12:24pm

justiceandtruth...


Pianoguy feels very sad for you (and your 10-year old son) today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 12:26pm
You don't have to keep living in a way that makes you miserable and that you feel is wrong. That is why we have divorce and that half of married couples take advantage, because the alternative of staying stuck in a miserable marriage is detrimental to your well being (and often to your children's well being).

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 1:28pm

"Pianoguy feels very sad for you (and your 10-year old son) today."
Thanks :)

"If there were problems prior to your separation, why did the 2 of you get back together again? Please don't say it was because your son needed a Father!"
No, no...not at all! We went through counseling and things were actually much better for e few months.

"Be better off as a single parent and take full responsibility for rearing your son."
Financially, I would be much worse off. We live in a very expensive area, and a modest rent and my car payment alone are enough to kill me! Emotionally, yes, I would be better off.

"Deal with the loneliness that comes once a divorce is finalized."
I'm very lonely now, so I think I could deal with that aspect.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 11:09am

Hugs to you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 12:02pm

I am not happy, but through counseling, I have learned that the majority of my unhappiness stems from being mistreated in my marriage. And I do work full-time as well as taking classes, so I don't think I've really lost myself....yet. But I feel if I stay, I will.

I don't think I NEED my H to be happy, but the mistreatment and ignoring definitely takes it's toll. No matter what I do..happy, sad, indifferent, it makes no difference to him. He just avoids home.

Thanks for the feedback!