Contemplating Divorce
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| Sat, 02-17-2007 - 8:38pm |
HI,
After 12 years of marriage, I am seriously contemplating divorce from my Dh. He is distant, condesending, and cold with explosive anger. We don't have a relationship anymore. I think that I have been an enabler and have had "doormat" stamped on my forehead for too many years. He has always told me that *I* am the one with problems, and I believed it. I always said "sorry" when really I had done nothing wrong. I always supported his business ventures which has led to some financial disasters. I believed him when he would say "Oh, sign this, you don't have to read it." I sat in bewilderment as he allowed his teenaged stepson to abuse me-- verbally and physically. I have for years allowed him to bully me into doing whatever he has wanted.
He is never home spending more time "at work" and with his 23 yo Ds than with me. I feel alone in this marriage and am getting to the point where I think I am more terrified of being alone in this marriage than being alone. I fantasize about living alone with cats (he's allergic). We have no children, so that isn't an issue. I am in therapy, so I have someone to discuss this with. I think my next step is to find a lawyer. We do have 4 properties that we own together and he owns one that was bought during our marriage. I have a job I love, and could support myself, but not in this house. I cannot afford to pay even 1/2 the mortgage on the home we live in, let alone on the other properties. I think we would have to sell everything and split the proceeds. I am afraid of what I would have to pay out in the interim. I don't want to let financial issues be what keeps me in this marriage. Life is too short!
Thanks for reading. Reading through these posts has helped me a lot.

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Hey there...
I know that I didn't come to the realization that my marriage wasn't working out the way that I wanted it to on a whim... it took lots of heartache to try to make things work, then realize they weren't going to.
We try to "change" ourselves to meet the other person's needs and wants, but once I realized that my husband and I were both leading the lives of the people that we wanted to be... and that just didn't work "together" any more, it was a little easier to relinquish what was left and let go.
No, it wasn't easy.... but I also realized that if I "changed"... or if I agreed to let him change.... we'd only end up resenting each other down the road.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Hi Toreen, I'm kind of in the same place as you.
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