continue the break?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2008
continue the break?
3
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 11:03am
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2005
Thu, 08-28-2008 - 1:19am
I don't understand why you have to do those chores?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 08-28-2008 - 5:40pm

I think your current situation sounds bizarre. Since it doesn't sound like the sister owns the house, who is she to tell you what you have to do? If you want to stay there, which frankly doesn't sound like a good idea to me, maybe you should sit down w/ the woman who initially offered you the place to stay and clarify what chores you have to do. Obviously, you should be cleaning up after yourself and maybe doing some extra chores in exchange for living there for free, but it doesn't mean that you shouldn't be respected. i tend to agree w/ the other person that it might be better for you to rent a room somewhere and at least have a less stressful living situation.

As far as your DH, I just can't see setting a time table of 6 months for a separation. Then what is supposed to happen? are the 2 of you getting counselling or working on your marriage in any way, or are you just seeing if you are happy w/o him? I can just imagine that being separated is only giving him the chance to see other women. I agree that his behavior didn't seem right, but it seems kind of extreme to me that your reaction is to say that you were going to move out for 6 months, unless he had a history of cheating before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Thu, 08-28-2008 - 5:48pm

Mishelmb,


Hi. Welcome to the board. We hope you find support and advice here.


My two cents.


First, separation can be very useful in a strained marriage. It gets you out of each other's faces day-to-day and allows you some breathing space to think. However, if its just separation - being apart - without any constructive goals or "work" then it becomes a wedge between you and your spouse. You'll drift apart and eventually stay apart because you don't have any purpose beyond separation.


I strongly encourage you and your husband to enter marriage counseling. YOU especially need someone to be objective and hear you out regarding your trust issues. You also need help navigating your feelings and find out what you need in a marriage and what you expect from your spouse. Ditto for your husband. Go together AND separately. You'll both find it a good way to put a framework around the separation. Then, you can make some decisions at the end of your six month period. Believe me, it will make a difference whether you stay married or get divorced.


And remember, counseling isn't about "fixing" the other person. It's about discovery.

CL-Wisdomtooth2020