Continuing Drama with Abusive STBX

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2007
Continuing Drama with Abusive STBX
5
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 8:44pm

In the continuing saga of my emotionally abusive stbx and my 15 yr. old son..........

Sun. they brought over their cell phones, at night while I slept, and left them on the coffee table for me to find in the morning. Then my stbx went out and spent $370 on new phones for he and my S. Now I have no way to even contact my son. I told my H to send me an email if he had something to say to me, so he emailed back that the computer had crashed and to use the phone. But no one will answer the phone, no matter when I call. I talked to my S once, he answered the phone, he told me the phones aren't activated but I know that's not true.

My first court date is not until Sept. 24, so from now till then, I have to live without any or next to none, contact with my son. Stbx has successfully isolated my son from me, and from his own friends. I don't want to push too hard, because my DS just gets put more in the middle by anything I do to try to contact him. I do have a hope to see him this Sat. One of my friends is having a big party and all his friends will be there. I've asked one of my friends, whose son is one of his best friends, to call and see if he needs a ride, etc. I'm praying it works, I may be able to take him home.

It is my prayer that the court will view this as abusive, and with my copies of his credit card statements showing trips to the package store every 5 days, I will be successful in getting primary residential custody.

Does anyone have an experience like this? How did you get through it? I miss my S so much I can barely say his name without crying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 6:57am

Hey,

I've been there, done that and am still doing it. I was also married to a verbally/emotionally abusive man and had a son the same age. The summer before we split my son wouldn't have anything to do with him. He enlisted the help of my daughter who was living out of town to help him "save" our son from me. It was horrible. Throughout the next couple of years, my son did try to reach out to me, but the backlash when he went back to his dad's was wearing him down. I ended up basically alone. I spent holidays alone, you name it. Anything that might mean something to me was somehow ruined because the X would find a way to make sure I hurt. He still attempts it.

It's not going to be an easy road for you, but you will get through it. Keep in mind that when it comes to your son, that is the perfect way for your x to hurt you and he will use it to his advantage every time.

Get your life in order and start enjoying your new freedom now. Your son will be going through alot of changes so just be ready for him. Don't take things too personal because alot that will go on is a direct result of the games the x will be playing. Don't try to play them with him. You won't win.

I know it hurts bad, but there is nothing you can do. Hopefully you will win in September, but prepare yourself of what might happen. I fought for custody for my son, but the x had him lie on the stand. Even if you do win, the x won't be done with you. He will continue to try to put a wrench in everything you do.

So take care of yourself, enjoy the moments you get with your son, and ignore the games being played as much as possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2007
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 9:15am

Camult

Thanks for the reply. I know it's going to be hard, and have resigned myself to that. Luckily, i have a bit of evidence to present to the court that won't help him. such as bank statements (current) that show him aat the package store about every 5 days, and court records showing that he has lied about his financial status. Plus I have enlisted all my friends (most of whom are parents of my son's friends) to help me keep an eye on him, and will help me arrange clandestine meetings with him. I live in CT, and a guardien ad litum (sp/) is mandatory, as is counseling. So I am hopeful, and though I am going for primary residential custody, wiwth joint legal, my atty is pretty sure I will get at least 50% custody.

I'm sorry you got put through such a ringer. There is a special place in hell for these men that use their own children.

Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 6:14am

Hang in there. You will get at least 50% he cannot shut you out of your child's life and the courts will give consideration to the child's desires since he is of certain age and able to make an intelligent preference but they will do what is best for the child based on the facts.

Just hang tough, do everything above board, don't make any sudden moves let your STBX make all the irrational moves so you can document them so he looks like the ASS it will help your case against him.

Good luck I know how difficult this must be for you.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2007
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 1:03pm

Lovinhockey

Do you play? Or have a kid that does? Or just like hockey? It's a great sport, and is wonderful for my son right now, keeps him busy.

Stbx sent me an email this week saying his computer crashed and he just had the basics, so to contact him by phone. Of course he won't answer the phone. He apparently doesn't remember, know or care that I can access his email, and see what he's read, what he's sent. He won't open my emails, so I just today took on another screen name which he will probably think is someone from my son's team, and sent him an email asking him if he knew that alienation is illegal.

I'm hanging in there, one month to go. I have a lot of really good friends, thank God. Thanks for your kind words and support. And yes, I am doing my best to make him out to be the the the, sorry can't find a good word to express how I feel about him. I only know there is a special place in hell for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 2:59pm

No I just love the sport I don't have any kids but I have had friends and family members who have had their exes use their kids against them and it's disgusting when will adults learn to stop using children in adult matters. It's really gross.

Hugs. Hopefully the courts can see through this trash and do what's best.

Smile,

Deirdre