Convincing H/W that counseling will NOT.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Convincing H/W that counseling will NOT.
13
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 12:46pm

With H about to get papers at any hour now...he is either going to beg or blow a head gasket, then turn to begging. In our 5 years together I had mentioned going to counseling a few times...back when I gave a &#*!. Even last spring I went on my own and my counselor helped me see alot. He didn't like me talking to her and told me that if I went again my stuff would be out in the road.

My question is I am done. I care but, I have known since we got married that he was not Mr. Right only Mr. Right now, I've had a gut feeling from before hand that this would not work but for the baby inside me I had to try. Now she is 4 and there is NOTHING a counselor will say that could make me just love him as a mate and want to spend the rest of my life with him. Is there anything people are saying now to their spouses or have said in the past that helped them come to realize that this person is just not in love with me anymore and not willing to try? I'd love some input here because I'm gonna need it. I will not listen to him tell me that I'm ruining our girls life b/c that is a guilt trip, in reality why would he/she want to beg you to stay and work on things when its painfully clear that you dont want to be with them any longer? Why not just accept and move on and find someone who loves them?
Thanks,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2006
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 12:49pm

I'm in a very similar situation right now. H has so far refused marriage counseling, but now I don't want to go if he now wants to. It's as if I have made up my mind and don't want anything or anyone changing it.

I feel guilty about that because of DD (3 yo), but I've reached the point in which I have recognized that H is toxic to me and I know he won't change. It's self-preservation, as I see it. Now to get the courage to actually file (I already did tell him once that I didn't want to be with him).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 3:40pm

I, too, need him to realize it's over and it's been 6 months so far, I have another man, I've told him a hundred times I don't love him and there's nothing left inside me for him. I've told him things that I knew would hurt him to answer his questions but I answered them anyways. I hoped that maybe those answers would help him to realize it's over. I think like the first reply to your thread said----it takes time.

I also think amcanmom is right! Taking apart a marriage should be done as healthfully as possible and maybe seeing a counselor to speak your minds and discuss things about dissolving the marriage will be helpful. I don't see how going to therapy at this point will help resolve your marriage, but maybe they could help you both try to end things as amicably as possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2006
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 4:03pm
I agree...I'm waiting to get a callback on counseling. I called the lawyers office today and asked if a miracle happens can I stop things and she said yes, just give a couple weeks notice. So....we can keep living life, and 6-7 weeks should give us a few sessions at a counselor and then we can go from there but I will not back down on these papers that have been filed or cancel a court date unless I'm certain its worth taking another chance. The night he was served he waived those papers around in my face from 6pm until 3:30 a.m. and then he got to tired to yell anymore. Now he's being nice and holding out hope, I dont see the hope, but his being nice is making it harder on me to hurt him by getting a D.
Thanks & good luck to all!

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