Corresponding with the STBX.
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 01-11-2007 - 1:17pm |
For those in the midst of the "beginning" stages... how are your conversations with the STBX? I am very reluctant at this time to talk to H at all because trying to explain my actions only angers him or causes him to ask more questions. I can't answer them anymore, it's the same questions over and over. I have told him my reasons for leaving multiple times. I stopped answering his emails and text messages. When he called the other day, I didn't offer any opening for conversation. He told my mother I had "blown up" on him on the phone, which was a complete lie. I think he believed it was true because all I said was "What do you want?" He probably honestly thought I was blowing up on him.
Anyway, he's coming to see the kids tomorrow but as usual didn't say when my mother can expect him. His visits are always very stressful for her because he grills her for information and advice on how to get me back. She doesn't want to deal with it anymore and is going to tell him about it if he starts on her. Thing is she is worried that she will be on edge all day because she won't know when he will just show up. He gets loud and overbearing when he's there.
I sent him a message that simply asked him when she can expect him. Nothing more, nothing less. I did not mention my meetings with my lawyers yet and don't plan to do so until I have all of the information I need from them. I know he will respond with more pleading and questions regarding my intentions. I'm debating on whether to respond that I am working on some things with my lawyers and will contact him when I am ready... or remaining silent about my lawyers until I hear from them.
The silent treatment seems to be wearing him down. Every time I responded to him in the past it opened the door for conversation, arguement, anger, threats, etc. Staying silent, he does nothing except email me daily with the same questions and sentiments.
I'm tired of hearing that he misses me and loves me. If he cares so much he should have been a little more thoughtful about how he treated me in the past. He knew he was being hurtful to me. Yet he thought it was ok because "how else will I learn?" I want to say that to him, but I know it's futile. He won't understand. He'll promise to change. Or he'll deny that it was that bad. Silence... is better.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Conversations with the STBX are a waste of time for me. He doesn't hear anything I say. I have been separated from him for almost a year now. The texts are still continuing, (approx. 200 per month) and he sends messages through my adult children and texts them about how to get me back also. I am no help for you on this subject, because I can't control my own. He thinks I should want to come back home, and this is just something I am going through, even though I filed for a divorce last May. He keeps holding it up, by contesting, not for material things, but because he is so sure I am going to want to come home soon.
I will keep checking your post to see how others have dealt with the STBX that won't go away.
Good Luck