Could he be feeling guilty.....
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| Tue, 06-21-2005 - 10:00am |
After the horrible fiasco on Father's Day, the way my ex had been so hurtful and nasty to me yesterday I sent him an email. It went as follows:
A few words of wisdom:
You should never deny your shoulder or support to someone who has always given you their's to lean on just b/c at this time you feel you dont need them since you have SOMEONE ELSE IN YOUR LIFE.
A True Friend would NEVER turn their back on another friend.
Just b/c you may not UNDERSTAND another person's pain doesnt mean it isnt real to THEM and doesnt give you the right to be CRUEL.
When you TRULY LOVE SOMEONE and CARE FOR THEM it shows in HOW YOU TREAT THEM!
When a man loves you, NOTHING can keep him away.
You should ALWAYS leave loved ones with LOVING WORDS. It may be the LAST TIME YOU SEE THEM......
I checked my email this morning and he sent this reply:
Why do you keep doing this to me? I dont have to be feel guilty about everything...... ok
He has always accused me of trying to make him feel guilty. Im just trying to get him to see that its not right or nice for him to treat me so nasty when I dont treat him like that. He always comes running back to me when he's in trouble and b/c I care for him and still love him I tried to be there for him. But now i want nothing to do with him he's been so hurtful. I just wanted him to realize he cant keep treating me this way. Is it possible that he does GUILTY for what he's been doing? Could he KNOW he's been doing wrong by treating me this way and really feel bad?
This was my last attempt to try to show him how he's screwing up, now im just gonna leave him alone.

luvred-
Sweetie, I hate to see you still on this emotional roller coaster. It's impossible to say what he's feeling. He may feel guilt about the past and how he treats you now. Or he could be one of the unfortunate people who go through life not caring who they hurt in getting what they want. But whatever he's feeling, you can't make him 'see' things differently and change his behaviour. Only he can change how he acts.
I understand that you think you and he should have a better relationship and he should treat you like a friend. But many couples never overcome the hard feelings surrounding their breakups. What you have now may be as good as it gets. What you can change is your expectations of him acting a certain way and the upset you feel over the constant letdowns. Have you had any counselling to help you deal with this? You could also try journalling. I found it really helped me to write out all my feelings of hurt, anger, loss, betrayal, etc. about the cheating, the separation, etc. Some just stream of consiousness, and some in the form of letters to my ex and OW, but I never sent the letters; they were just for my benefit. Journalling really helps me figure out what's behind a certain feeling I'm having, and once I realize what's causing me to feel that way I can deal with it and move past it.
-sang
I hear what your saying. I've made a lot of progress I feel compared to how I was at first. More and more Im accepting it's over. Sometimes I have really "bad" days but they dont last as long and are not as frequent as they used to be.
I do wish things were different but accept now that they may never be. It wasnt until the whole situation on Father's Day that I saw right now he doesnt treat me the way I deserve and I see now he may never so it's up to me to walk away. He will treat me the way I allow him to I see that now.
So as for the "words of wisdom" I sent him I do wish they would maybe one day get him to realize how wrong he was and to finally begin accepting his responsibility in what happened between us. But I do know he has to change himself I cant do it.