Court this a.m. .....

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Court this a.m. .....
4
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 4:02pm
Well, this morning was the 2-party hearing before the judge to see if the restraining order would be granted. STBX, his lawyer, and my lawyer and I were the first case before the judge. My lawyer pled our case, and STBX's lawyer said, "STBX was being nice and plowing the driveway. He was talking to their son, and just backed up. Nowhere in the report does Mrs. STBX say that she felt threatened. In 20 years of marriage STBX has never raised his hand in anger at Mrs. STBX." Which was a complete and total load of BS. STBX DID hit me early in our marriage, but he was drunk at the time, and prolly doesn't remember it. The cops had to come to our house last April because STBX was threatening to hit me. I did say in the report that I felt that STBX was trying to intimidate me. ANyway, the judge said that our case didn't meet the criteria for getting arestraining order, so dismissed it.
My lawyer said that it's not a total loss, however, and this shows STBX that I'm not going to put up with his crap.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 4:23pm

Your attorney is right.... he'll think twice next time... and now, you know what you need to say to get the proper attention ;-)


hugs,


Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 8:13am

You sent a VERY, VERY clear message. And if (God forbid) he tried to threaten you again, I am certain the judge would grant a restraining order, given the history.

Back in November, my STBX struck me in the face. I had him arrested. In CT, that means there is an automatic protective order that goes into effect until the court hearing, usually within a month. You also get to determine the terms of the order - anything from no contact at all to very limited contact, as long as the person doesn't harass you. After that month is up, you can apply for a restraining order. I opted not to do that, because he had never hit me in 12 years together, and I did believe it was an isolated incident. Also, I think the arrest shook him badly enough not to do it again. He realized I was serious, as I am sure your STBX will.

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 11:52am

Eek, last night, I was on the phone with my dad. The call waiting beeped, and my mom was on the other line. She said that STBX had been trying to call her. Evidently, STBX finally got through to her, and told her that he never intended to "scare" me, and he really didn't see me-- thought I was on the other side of the truck. TOTAL BS-- I was there, I saw his reaction, and he didn't look like it was a mistake. No shock, no remorse, zip.

Anyway, STBX calls up around 8:30 last night, and tells me what he told my mom... and that he'd never hit me, etc., do anything to hurt me. I said, "THAT is not true. You hit me when we were first married." He said, "What? I never hit you, ever." I said, "You probably don't remember, because you were absolutely hammered. It was when DS was a baby. You stumbled in after driving drunk, crashed into a few walls int he kitchen, crashed into DS's crib. I told you to stop so the baby wouldn't wake up, and you clocked me one."
He said, "Did you hit me?" Now, I am NOT one for violence, but at THAT time, I struck him back in self-defense. I told STBX, "I hit back in self-defense, because you were assaulting me." He had the audacity to say, "Maybe *I* hit YOU in self-defense." What a jagoff. AND I mentioned, "Remember when I had to call the police last April because you were threatening to hit me?" "I didn't do that", he whined. "Yes, you did," I said. "You were screaming and ranting and raving, and drew your arm back as if to hit me. I honestly though t you were going to." I swear, he's on crack, or something.

So then, he was saying that he still wanted to get back together with me, and that he would think more of me if I DID get back wit him. Eww. Then, he was saying how mean I am now, and how inflexible I am, and that I was to causing his business to "crumble". Maybe if he grew some balls and auctioned off the defaulted customers' possessions, we'd recoup some losses? I get the invoices out ON TIME every month, even when I was sick in bed for a month. I told him that the lawyer said not to discuss this with him, and to refer him to the layer. He said that I was "cut" from HIS business. At that point, I hung up the phone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 12:05pm
This sounds so similar to my story! My STBX constantly reminds me how it was "my" choice to end the marriage, I have ruined the family, I should get back together with him, etc. Why is it that THEY can behave like animals for an entire marriage, and when we are finally able to leave, it's suddenly our faults?? I don't get it.