Court Hearing date in two weeks - still in love with STBX and so many emotions!
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|Tue, 05-07-2013 - 11:17pm|
I have been lurking / reading for a little while, but now that my court hearing date is coming up in a couple of weeks, I am ready to post and hopefully get some assistance. I met my STBX my freshman year of college and was with him for 10 years, including 4 years of marriage. I have never been a true adult without him. Now we are getting divorced and I am having a really difficult time. It was a mutual decision to divorce as we had very different priorities with what we wanted our lives to look like and once we started talking about children, these differences finally became a major issue that we couldn't resolve. While there were eventually a lot of negative feelings from both of us, this divorce did not originate out of someone cheating or anything like that. We haven't seen each other since we signed the divorce filings a few months ago, and at that time he would barely look me in the eye much less talk to me. Now, I have to see him in a couple of weeks and I am freaking out. I am pretty sure he is dating someone and that is absolutely killing me (I don't know how you ladies who have dealt with a husband that cheated during your marriage, because I am practically divorced and I can't begin to stomach him being with someone else). I know that in the long-run we are not a good match, but I am realizing that I am still very much in love with my husband. I miss him so much and while my friends and family are wonderful, I am at an age where most of my friends are getting married and having kids. None of them are getting divorced. I'm just really lost and sad, and I know this is a normal part of grieving my relationship, but knowing that doesn't make things any easier. Some of my friends keep trying to tell me that things will get better and that I am too good for my ex anyway (I don't know why they think this is helpful) and I will end up with someone even better. Some are even urging me to date. Luckily some of my friends understand that I'm not over my ex - heck, I'm not even fully divorced yet! Unfortunately, I don't feel like I'll ever be ready to date again. My STBX is the only person I've been in a real adult relationship with and I don't have any idea how to date or how to find someone new, which is very scary. I try not to deal with that thought since I am no where close to being ready to date.
I'm really scared for what things will be like at the courthouse and I am really nervous to see him. We also still live in the same town so I am always worried I will run into him, and I am especially worried I will see him with the woman I think he is dating. I can barely concentrate at work and keep having really vivid dreams where we are still together but he is also with this other woman. I guess I am just trying to reach out now to get some advice from those who have gone through this before me. I know my situation may be different from many on this board, but how do I prepare for going to the court hearing and how do I put my life back together when I am not over my ex?
Any advice you can give me would be very welcome!