Court on Monday, have to get prepared...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Court on Monday, have to get prepared...
14
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 9:06am

Hello ladies,

Well, Im back in court on Monday for a "conference", geez, lord only knows how that will go. Im trying to prepare myself for how I will counter the issues Im assuming ex will try to make a big deal out of, (my cancelling a visit, the carpet at the school, and his accusation of me hitting him in the face).

As if my luck isnt already crappy, my so called lawyer is all but useless and I have to request another one. She's rude and doesnt seem to know much, and for some reason appears to have a problem with me. I tried to overlook her arrogance but considering this may be a long drawn out thing, I feel very uncomfortable with her. Have any of you ever had a court appointed lawyer and had to request a different one. Did you have trouble doing so? It's rather scary, I dont want to see like a problem but what can I do. Since this began back in January this is the first time I have met with her and we sat down for all of a whopping 15 minutes and not one time did she even look at me in the face. I mean a little eye contact shows respect no, aside from that when I've asked her ?'s and advice she doesnt know the answer, that isnt her area and doesnt even guide me in the right direction to get my ?'s addressed. Correct me if Im wrong but isnt the purpose of a freakin lawyer to help the client out. She acts like she's doing me a huge favor. I have to put up with crap from my ex and that's hard enough I cant take it from her as well. This makes no sense. Damn what the hell have I done to deserve this?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 9:37am

I don't know anything about changing court appointed attorneys. Maybe call the place they appoint them and discuss your concerns and request a new one?


Get all of your documentation ready (for court) and walk in with your head held high. Be strong!!


Good luck to you! I HATED going to court. I still do. I avoid it actually (not a good thing!)....


Hugs


Deb


(By the way, a favorite quote of mine came to mind when I read your last sentence "if you ask "why me" for all the bad things that happen, you must also ask "Why me" for all the good things"~~Arthur Ashe.)


You've done nothing to "deserve" this--just take things one day at a time and it'll eventually work out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 9:47am

I too have heard that quote before and your right. LOL, sometimes things seem to be so overwhelming. I have written two letters to the director of the program explaining my concerns regarding the lawyer, I sent the second letter yesterday and they responded to my first letter stating they would look into it. I had hoped from the first letter things would have improved, they havent.

So I'll see.....

Thanks so much for you post

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 9:51am

Oh believe me, throughout my divorce I was always saying "why me" and "what did I do to deserve this?"...heck, I still say it sometimes. But I tried remembering that quote so my own "pity party" wouldn't get out of hand!! Just remember, you did nothing to deserve this but it's how you deal with it now that matters!


You are SO strong. you WILL survive this. When it's over you will look back and realize how strong you really are! You will also be baffled at everything you went through. Just pick your battles. Take the high road. Remind yourself that this will NOT go on forever!!


Hang in there. It'll get better soon!


Deb


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 10:44am

Yep those court appointed attorneys are the bottom of the barrel. You know that old saying "You get what you pay for"? Well if you aren't paying anything.....

Attorneys, in general, tend to have big egos. They go into law because of their desire and ability to argue things and win. They spend a lot of years in school and it is EXPENSIVE, they come out wanting to make big $$$$$$. When they take pro bono cases they often do feel that they are doing you a favor. They are paid very poorly for pro bono work and the really experienced attorneys have moved on and cost an arm and a leg to hire. I live in the midwest and the attorney I work for charges $225 an hour for family law cases, he is not even the most expensive by far.

That is the reality of the family court system it is never fun and rarely fair but it is what it is.

What is this hearing for? Was it scheduled before all of this happened or did ex file something recently? I doubt you are going to get in much trouble for the things mentioned, I also doubt your ex is going to get in trouble either. If he has taken care of the carpet issue in his apartment he may very well be awarded overnights though. Ask that they begin on a graduated schedule, like 1 night for the 1st month, 2 the next and so on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 11:52am

Hey Step,
How are you? The conference was scheduled before all the ridiculousness occured. Im assuming its to see how things have gone and if we can settle. Based on ex's history I know he is going to come in guns blazing about the one visit I cancelled which by the way he already made up and the carpet at the school and the famous so called hitting I did to him. He has told anyone who would listen about that one.

As long as the carpet and overnight visits contrary to his delusion as long as the carpet is up and he has a place for the baby to sleep I know the overnight visits are inevitable. As long as I can talk to the baby and he'll be safe Im fine with it. I do however want it to ge gradual as its only been me and the baby for the last 2 years. It's just making ex see this. I dont want to go to trial I want to settle and hope he has sense enough to see this is the best way.

From your experience can I be held in contempt for the one visit I cancelled?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 12:13pm

You will not be held in contempt. The judge may give you a warning, just play dumb, ask what medical documentation you need and promise to have it if there is a next time. It is pretty common, at least here, for visitation to begin gradually so I would imagine that will be granted.

If you stay calm and present it like things are moving along and you are willing to keep going then ex will look stupid if he acts up in front of the judge.

I hate to tell you that changing attorneys is porbably not going to get you better representation and it may delay your case. Ex has a free attorney too right?? If so then you guys are pretty even in the level of representation you are getting. Just focus on the important stuff, the carpeting and phone access when the baby goes overnight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 12:18pm
Thanks,
Oh and what about the ranting and raving about my "assaulting him"? I know for sure he is really going to try to push that one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 12:22pm
Were you charged with anything?? Did he file a police report?? Judges hear accusations all the time in cases like this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 12:37pm

Okay I hear ya. Whether or not he filed a police report I dont know, he did tell my sister's boyfriend that he went to the police station, after the fact I might add. What a jerk and he says they asked him where are his bruises. LOL, I dont mean to laugh but it's so crazy. He even told my friend this garbage last week so I know he's gearing up for Monday. Im just gonna focus on being calm and presenting the fact that Im willing to work/compromise with the baby's best interest in mind. Just wanna show that Im here to help and not hinder the visitation.

Thanks a bunch.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 1:32pm

As for the attorney.... play her up!..... act so overly gracious and appreciative... friendly.... I mean, not so much like you're schmoozing her too much.... but, as a court appointed attorney, she probably is unexperienced.... and underappreciated... and underpaid... the whole ball of wax, so.... anything that you can do to boost her up might help you.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

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