Court on Monday, have to get prepared...
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| Thu, 03-23-2006 - 9:06am |
Hello ladies,
Well, Im back in court on Monday for a "conference", geez, lord only knows how that will go. Im trying to prepare myself for how I will counter the issues Im assuming ex will try to make a big deal out of, (my cancelling a visit, the carpet at the school, and his accusation of me hitting him in the face).
As if my luck isnt already crappy, my so called lawyer is all but useless and I have to request another one. She's rude and doesnt seem to know much, and for some reason appears to have a problem with me. I tried to overlook her arrogance but considering this may be a long drawn out thing, I feel very uncomfortable with her. Have any of you ever had a court appointed lawyer and had to request a different one. Did you have trouble doing so? It's rather scary, I dont want to see like a problem but what can I do. Since this began back in January this is the first time I have met with her and we sat down for all of a whopping 15 minutes and not one time did she even look at me in the face. I mean a little eye contact shows respect no, aside from that when I've asked her ?'s and advice she doesnt know the answer, that isnt her area and doesnt even guide me in the right direction to get my ?'s addressed. Correct me if Im wrong but isnt the purpose of a freakin lawyer to help the client out. She acts like she's doing me a huge favor. I have to put up with crap from my ex and that's hard enough I cant take it from her as well. This makes no sense. Damn what the hell have I done to deserve this?

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Hi, Karen
Believe me I've tried my darndest to overlook her arrogance. I just cant tolerate it anymore. I feel it's better to try to change now before I tell her how I really feel about her attitude and then she go out out against me. I know they are overworked and underpaid, and the whole you get what you paid for, however, I hope that some of them are at least decent, she just out right shows she doesnt give a damn and this custody situation is of utmost importance to me as you know. Hell if this is the case she didnt have to take on my case. So she's doing me NO favors at all. She must have only taken the case to get whatever extra little pay she's getting. I just cant take a chance with her any longer as this might be a long drawn out issue and god forbid something really serious occur I need someone I'm comfortable with and who at least seems like they are a little interested and actually here to help me.
For the issues I have bought to her attention thus far she has stated that the judge doesnt care about those things just that the visits happen, well I beg to differ. I do know some things I have to let go of and focus on the more serious ones such as the carpet issue, but even the withholding the info about the carpet, she says they wont right in an order that he communicate with me. I dont want there to be any confusion that Im upset he wont talk to me, or be nice. I could care less about that, I only want communication when pertaining to our son, I want it to be made clear to him that it is his obligation to communicate when it concerns the baby especially health related and to do so in a non-threatening manner. That's it.
I hear what you are saying Luv but let me play the Judge's role here okay.
You go in and say that you are mad that baby was sick for 2 or 3 weeks and that dad knew about the carpeting and did not tell you. Judge is going to want to know if his reaction was consistent with his carpet allergy, answer yes. Judge is going to want to know if you told the school about his carpet allergy prior to enrollment, answer no. Judge is going to want to know if you contacted the school or visited the school during the time of the illness in order to asses the situation, answer no. Judge is going to want to know if dad notified someone in authority about the carpet situation at the school, answer yes. Judge is going to want to know that as a result of dad's visit to the school and his intervention that the carpet situation was rectified, answer yes.
In the Judges eyes the situation was corrected. Maybe not in the best possible way and maybe not in the way that you wanted but it did get corrected and the carpet situation at school is now handled.
You underpaid attorney is giving you correct information, the Judge does not care that you and dad have poor communication skills with one another. Most people he sees in his court do not communicate well with one another, that is why they are in court.
I don't know what the answer is to your situation but I can see that what you want the legal system to do for you it won't. I guess the best advice is just live and learn. Next time baby starts showing symptoms then check every single place he has been. Hopefully this will be one of those allergies he outgrows in time.
Okay, step, I hear you and im glad your playing "devils advocate" so speak, your giving things to me from a perspective that I havent been able to see. But you see how you discuss things or try to explain them, Iam better able to prepare myself from your insight than from the attorney's, she leaves me feeling that the system is just in favor of the dad and doesnt give a damn about what I have to say. With the attorney it's the tone and the attitude of how she presents herself, like because she has a law degree and Im not paying her for her services she's looking down on me or something.
Just as you and I got off to a rocky start, I felt your first post was harsh and felt attacked by you, since then I have come to look forward to your posts' because you showed some understanding, and interest. She makes it seem as though nothing Im saying is important to consider or even discuss.
I know the courts cant turn him into prince charming but just as they can ensure he has access to the baby shouldnt they also ensure that that access they have allowed is not explosive, negative, and harmful especially when the child involved has special needs. Im not saying that there arent issues that are more severe than mine such as abuse cases and all, Im sure there are and Im grateful that Im not at that point, however, which would they prefer: I'd think address the issues why they are minimal and set them straight instead of waiting until they are huge and harder to tackle and someone gets really hurt. My ex has made it no secret of his hatred towards me. Has showed it in mediation, and in front of the lawyer that works for the judge. If the courts are so non-chanlant about these things not caring if the parents communicate then what the heck will happen should one actually harm the other or the child. If the courts will not address my ex's refusal to communicate health issues pertaining to the baby and god forbid he gets hurt because they did nothing there is going to be hell to pay. What will they say, oh sorry or oh wow, she/he did say this was going to happen, tried to warn us, if at all possible I would like to avoid that scenario.
What kills me is if it were the lawyers' child I bet she wouldnt think it was damn important to have this addressed. Thank you for all of your insight, it does help me prepare. Hell, Ive come away with more info from talking to you than from my "attorney" it's all in the way you handle a person.
It will get better with time, it just will. When I met my DH he and BM had a HORRIBLE relationship. They had just finished an 18 month court battle that cost DH $16,000, those 2 could barely look at eachother. Now it is 5 years later and things have totally changed. Last week was the spring program for the boys at school, both families attended and sat together. That would have been unheard of in the beginning.
Once everything settles down and there is a routine all of this will be much easier to deal with. He will, hopefully, get more comfortable and secure in his relationship with his son and will not feel that everything you do is a threat to that. I know with DH that he felt, in the beginning, that BM was doing everything in her power to minimize his time and impact with his kids. Was she? Maybe, maybe not, but that is how he percieved it and that is how he dealt with her, as an enemy. Now that he is secure in his relationship with the boys he reacts and treats her as an ally.
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