Court ordered classes?
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| Fri, 09-23-2005 - 10:05am |
I am curious if the court ordered classes cost money in other states? Heck, if the court/judge is aware of the financial escapades that one parent isn't paying cs or helping the other financially regularly with the kids etc. --- how do they expect me to pay for these classes? He won't - as he doesn't 'believe' in psychology. One parenting class is $65.00, then there is a divorced kids group which I also know would be great and help the children feel a little more comfortable with all this confusion, but it is $185.00 for me and $60.00 for each child (I have five wonderful kiddo's); there is also another one that is $85.00 which is a one night thing the parents take separately that helps them prepare for a reasonable parenting relationship after divorce.
I am going to get fined some huge amount, get jail time and the judge will look poorly on my not attending these/getting the children to them, but I have no recourse. I need to stop, stop, stop thinking somewhere in all of this will be some sane, reasonable or fair expectations. I sound like Charlie Brown this week, and need to get rid of the grey clouds I know. Well, its Friday and one day closer to the full trial; closure of any kind will be rough, tough horrible; but if the kids are taken care of and I do not actually end up in some kind of jail, it can't get a whole lot worse. Is that halfway optimistic? :o) I will work on my attitude, promise. Hugs, Anna

We have the "Divorce Education Class" here in UT that is mandatory.
Hi Anna,
I'm in PA and was ordered to go through conflict resolution classes with X.It was $40 each session and we had to split the cost. Also I had them do an evaluation on our 2 children. I was going to pay for both of them but they told me I wasn't responsible for the full amount and would only let me pay half. I don't know if they ever made him pay or not but they said he was responsible for the other half. I do think you should contact the agency. Most of them have some plan set up to make it more affordable.After all supposedly they aren't looking to make things harder.
K :)
Edited 9/23/2005 7:49 pm ET ET by susieyippin
Thanks for taking the time to reply all. Yes, I have called all three organizations, and no there are not any scholarships or even payment plans available. I guess I can call the judges clerk next week and at least ask her also. One of the lawyers I spoke to as I have been trying to call around and find one who would at least help me with the full trial, and no, there isn't any who will so far, -- he told me that the classes are mandatory, that he has never heard of any lowered fees, and that judges in California routinely put these four requirements in (the fourth sometimes being that both parents go to a certain number of sessions with a licensed psychiatrist or psychologist - not someone who is a counselor with a masters degree) -- it is judges' way of making some sort of minimum initial call on whether the parents, or which ones are 'serious' about putting the kids first etc.
I am calling churches about food banks. I have called about getting county aid and we can get approximately $110 in food stamps per month, that is it, no other aid do we qualify for as I bring home too much money; I make $15.50 ph. (*believe me it is not a lot of money; though I am lucky to have found something more than minimum wage I am absolutely thankful for it, or was); I am beginning to wonder if I should quit my job in order to get help - how does that sound for ackbassward?
I will keep asking and trying to find answers, but thus far in the process each time we have appeared in court, there is nothing that the judge has asked either of us for, for which when we explained an answer that he accepted. He has expressed what I feel like is disdain that a working class couple with 5 children cannot come to their own custody agreement - he thinks it is highly selfish that "we" are not putting the children first and working out a reasonable joint parenting plan. I offered a near 50-50 percent parenting plan to the ex;he doesn't want it, he wants sole legal, primary physical and me to get visitation at his house when he allows it...
In some of the supporting paperwork I was given with the last temporary court order,it said that most couples coming before 'the bench' for custody issues are there because one or the other has abuse/addiction issues etc. Neither of us do. So shall I just quit, 'give' him the children because the system thinks they are there to make decisions for families who are incapable of making their own; rather than our situation where, one parent is just trying to 'take' the children because he can.
I do not believe for a minute he really wants the day to day life being the primary parent. He will have a combination of a nanny and his parents caring for our children. He just needs to "win", in the eyes of his family, friends...he is the noble single father of five whose wife had it good and just up and decided to leave an absolutely wonderful, Christian, conservative, had-everything-she-could-possibly-want marriage for no reason other than that she is selfish and didn't want to be a nice little submissive woman who knew who place in the scheme of life, and who was supposed to be raising those children to understand their gender roles in life too - the male is superior after all, and the female is a wonderful appendage, necessary and even enjoyable, as long as they are 'manageable'.
Of course, any other women who have tried to live that life, also like me, find that eventually you realize the old addage that 'kisses are not presents and there is a difference between holding a hand in partnership and support and that of chaining another persons' body and soul". I got to the point of dysfunction; I got to the point I could not go on one more day - even in the middle of loving my children so much, knowing my responsibilities, being practical, understanding what I was 'supposed' to do ---- there was so much conflict, according to the ex -- I was so unacceptable in my 'rebellion' of not being happy to live my lot in life, of teaching my children rebellion in his eyes any time I disagreed with one of his political views, offered a more balanced opinion on his racial beliefs, or even if I went grocery shopping and took two and a-half hours instead of returning in one hour. I was wretched to not be continuously thankful for what he provided us, to believe what he said, when he said it, to dare to be tired at the end of a day or week that included homeschooling five children, running a separate homemade therapy program for one of our sons whom is autistic, normal housecleaning, running errands.
He never hit me; he was always barely contained, but his physical in your face body language, his slamming, his absolute control of the ending of any conversation he didn't wish to continue, his running the home from the kingdom of his recliner each evening when his news shows were on and we all had to be quiet lest he not be able to 'debate' back with the tv set...I know now he is a control freak, a bully. But then, and until over 6 months in the divorce process I thought 'he just isn't for me', 'we just can't have a relationship, but he is a good dad'...bah, he is selfish, he wants to have control of his little kingdom, partially because he gave up his own control in his life long ago by staying at his parents business. What I used to think and respect was his love of family, actually has more to do with his bitterness of having been with his family business so long, that by golly, he is not going to go out and work for some other company - he DESERVES to 'get' the business in the family will.
On the outside, to the world he just looks so reasonable, so 'normal' - a dad that maybe works a little too much, but what father doesn't who wants to provide for his family, a conservative who loves America, a responsible neighbor, doesn't drink much, seems like a friendly 'teddy bear' type --- but the world doesn't know what goes on behind closed doors. And really, unless you wait until you have a broken bone or worse, there is not much out there to help you, even though the media highlights many organizations which help abused wives and children, from what I have seen, it is only those who are in the most dire straights...though I am still floating, I have met several moms with kids over these months who were battered, horribly intimidated - with no where to go, or had a night shelter, but no where to spend the days since most make you leave and come back at night. Whenever I get to some plane of existence that is not crisis mode, I am going to help a moms or womens organization as much as I can...there are many who need just a little help to get past the danger or the fear. Not a very positive post ladies, I am sorry, will find some really positive aspect of this experience to write about soon. Joy and peace for your weekend, Anna