Create a New Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Create a New Life
3
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 9:21am

It has been two years since I separated from my husband and I am still involved in the divorce process. How am I doing? I have gone from confused, angry and bewildered into acceptance, letting go and thriving. I have done a great deal of personal growth work that although painful at times, has allowed me to really examine myself, not only in the context of my marriage but also in my entire life...who I really am and who I am becoming. I used the collapse of my marriage as a wakeup call to truly understand myself and create the life that I want to live. I have discovered the values and passions that make me feel alive and valuable and I work on incorporating them into my daily life.

What I've learned is that most times, it takes a good rap on the head to move us to make the most of ourselves. That's just human nature. It is crucial that we use our divorce or separation as that wakeup call so that we can move forward with a new perspective on life...one that will truly serve us to be happy and productive. If we allow ourselves to wallow in self pity, anger and bitterness, we are only causing harm to ourselves and no one else.

It is mandatory for us to accept full responsibility for our lives, no matter the circumstance. The process of emotional healing and is difficult but do-able. More importantly, after we have healed oursleves emotionally, we then can go on to create a new life in which we thrive. A life of unlimited possibilities.

After these two years, I have even managed to find a new career wher I can give back. I discovered that giving back was a core value to me and so now I am a professional Life Coach.

I urge all of you to use divorce as a springboard into a new realm...one of growth, possibilities and happiness. It is possible. Not easy but possible. I know that from personal experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 10:51am
Thanks for sharing that... I'm glad that you were able to put so many positives into place and land where you are today.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 2:16pm
Thanks for the pep talk. I am just starting out on this journey and I am hoping and praying that I do find myself and a better life.

Mom of 2 and Stepmom of 2

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2006
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 3:10pm

I loved reading this post. I think it puts a strand of truth out there for me to look at. Responsibility. It's a huge thing to own, isn't it? I've learned how to manage my life's responsibilities (financial, etc) since I've been separated. It's my first time ever living on my own. I'm 27 and was always with my H it seems, since I was a child.

Now, I'm also learning about the deeper meanings of responsibility. Emotional and spiritual responsibility. Taking ownership of my needs, my brokenness, my "stuff" that I brought into my marriage that ultimately failed, and the wonderful gifts I do have to offer to the world...and that I should offer to the world.

It's no longer a matter of pushing things in myself down in order to maintain status quo in a dead marriage. Nope. Now it's like "ok, self, how are you today? You're sad? Or angry? Or feeling scared out of your mind? Ok...let that sit for a bit. And then get your shoes on and go out there and learn how to continue living even in those moments. This is YOUR life, self, and it's time you learn to walk with that in mind. It's time to discover what it is that makes you YOU. Now go on and get going!"

It sounds silly, but I can say the first step in creating my new life was learning to listen, truly listen, to my intuition. It's known me my whole life and until I allowed it to come through, I had no idea who I was and was living my life accordingly.

I am a person solely responsible for my life now. I am owning what it means to be me. All of me. Happy me, sad me, lazy me, motivated me, all of it...it's only been 5 months for me. I can only imagine how it will feel two years from now. My new career will be well on its feet, I will be living somewhere besides this small town where I relocated with my STBX, and I'll hopefully be that much wiser and more connected with who I am.

Thanks for starting this post. It's a little dose of amped up self-encouragement I think we all need on this board!

Here's to learning how to live our new lives!

~learning...to live