Crying and confused
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Crying and confused
| Tue, 08-29-2006 - 5:56pm |
Hello all,
I have been divorced for a year and half after being married for 10 years. I must admit, it's not getting any easier for me. My ex constantly contradicts himself and I know that I still love him and he is aware that I do as well.
He has a serious girlfriend that he's been dating for a year now and they've gone on cruises and trips together which honestly stung very much cause when we started out trips and cruises were always a "dream" of ours because we didn't have a lot of money to start out on.
Anyway, he tells me he is "in love" with two women. Me and her, and that he does not like to admit that he still loves me. He tells me that he thinks about me all the time (little conversations we've had or little things like the fact I don't like crunchy french fries) and he will even go so far as to invite me to do things with him and our two daughters when he has them for visitation. He recently invited me to go out to eat to a Chinese resteraunt with our two girls and when I declined he did not take them stating "I didn't want to go" so why would he go without me? Yet he never misses an opportunity to spend weekends with his girlfriend. He tells me he is happy yet he does things like this. I feel as though he is playing with my heart and my mind at the same time and it is very, very difficult to cope with. Yet any discussion of even trying to work any issues we had when we were married and I get the whole "it's inappropriate" for him to discuss anything like that with me because we ARE divorced and he IS in a semi-serious relationship.
A few times in just general conversation he has let the words "I love you" slip out, more then on rare occations. He then quickly tries to cover it up.
I guess I'm just venting here but I would also like to know, is this normal and how can I continue taking baby steps in getting over our marriage if this continues? It literally breaks my heart all over again. Am I just being weak and he's preying on my heart-strings? Him of all people know me better then anyone else I know.
Help me! ANYBODY!!
Thanks for listening.
I have been divorced for a year and half after being married for 10 years. I must admit, it's not getting any easier for me. My ex constantly contradicts himself and I know that I still love him and he is aware that I do as well.
He has a serious girlfriend that he's been dating for a year now and they've gone on cruises and trips together which honestly stung very much cause when we started out trips and cruises were always a "dream" of ours because we didn't have a lot of money to start out on.
Anyway, he tells me he is "in love" with two women. Me and her, and that he does not like to admit that he still loves me. He tells me that he thinks about me all the time (little conversations we've had or little things like the fact I don't like crunchy french fries) and he will even go so far as to invite me to do things with him and our two daughters when he has them for visitation. He recently invited me to go out to eat to a Chinese resteraunt with our two girls and when I declined he did not take them stating "I didn't want to go" so why would he go without me? Yet he never misses an opportunity to spend weekends with his girlfriend. He tells me he is happy yet he does things like this. I feel as though he is playing with my heart and my mind at the same time and it is very, very difficult to cope with. Yet any discussion of even trying to work any issues we had when we were married and I get the whole "it's inappropriate" for him to discuss anything like that with me because we ARE divorced and he IS in a semi-serious relationship.
A few times in just general conversation he has let the words "I love you" slip out, more then on rare occations. He then quickly tries to cover it up.
I guess I'm just venting here but I would also like to know, is this normal and how can I continue taking baby steps in getting over our marriage if this continues? It literally breaks my heart all over again. Am I just being weak and he's preying on my heart-strings? Him of all people know me better then anyone else I know.
Help me! ANYBODY!!
Thanks for listening.

Oh, I am sorry this isn't going well, and is a difficult time for you. It does seem like your ex is messing with mind, but mainly because he can, and it gets to you.
Maybe try focusing on something else (other interests, etc.) to get your mind off of him, and eliminate any unecessary conversations.
As far I am concerned, what he is doing to you is downright cruel and manipulaitve. Does he then go into the difference between 'lovng someone' and 'being in love with them'? I just feel like you are in a catch 22 with him and he isn't looking to change as long as he can have things both ways...which in a way is what he has.
He sounds like my stbx in that he has control and manipulation issues.
Avoid him for now if you can, and help yourself heal.
another approach is to take the upper hand. the reason that he is in control of these situations is because you are too nice to just say what's on YOUR mind, as he is doing. when he says i love you, turn it on him and say "that seems inappropriate since we ARE divorced and you ARE in a semi-serious relationship", or just flat out ask "why are you saying that since we're divorced and the only reason we are interacting is because of our kids?"
in my experience with people in general, taking the offensive like this will often be enough to shut them up. OR it will initiate a conversation with your ex that you clearly need to have. either way, it will be very awkward, but awkward for BOTH of you instead of just for you, and that seems a lot more fair than this.
confusedallthetime--
Post number 4 is menat for you from genetix...not me.