Crying and Run away Mind

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2007
Crying and Run away Mind
4
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 10:10pm

Its been 10 months now, and I still cry, and I"m not lucky enough to cry myself to sleep. I cry until I'm exhausted, then I just lay in bed or sit in the recliner wide awake. How long will this last? Everything seems to make me cry. Something on Tv, going out with the girls, a song......EVERYTHING!

My mind goes a thousand miles a minute thinking of him, picturing the first time I see him with someone, seeing him with a child of his own with another woman, thinking about him doing all those "romantic" things he did for me, for someone else. Wondering what he is doing, does he hold the small of her back like he did on me? Does he wink at her from across the room, like he did me. I could go on and on.....I'm crying right now just typing this!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 10:16pm
Hugs Honey! I am sorry. Mine has lasted over two years, but I will tell you it gets less. Try and get some rest. I use a mild sleeping pill (trazodone) and I take two antidepressants. You may want to see your doctor. It does get better, I promise. The first year is hard because it is full of a lot of firsts. Now you can mark off your list all the firsts you have already been through and be relieved that you will not have to do that again. Do your best to take care of you. If you need a nap, take it the dishes will wait. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 9:32am

Ky,


Grief has its own timetable and its not one we can control. You're mourning the loss of your marriage which is healthy and normal, and harder, especially if you didn't initiate the divorce process. The one who leaves is usually emotionally farther down the road than the one who is left. So, that person has to deal with everything all at once: the shock of being told they're leaving, watching them leave, and then running down all the emotions of the "shoulds" and "should have beens." That's where you are and its understandable if you were the one who was left.


I would suggest that you do a couple of things for yourself in the meantime. One, do see a doctor for a physical and make sure you aren't suffering from depression. Second, find a good counselor and/or support group with whom you can vent and share your fears and grief. Many churches, synagouges, and mental health agencies have free support groups you can join for a few weeks. Look for one near you.


I also encourage you to start doing at least one thing a day for yourself. It doesn't have to be big. It could simply be going to the grocery store, doing the laundry, or getting dressed for the day. Healing comes in small steps and every day will get a little better (it just doesn't seem like it right now.).


I also highly recommend a great book called "Rebuilding: When your relationship ends." by Bruce Fisher. You'll get a lot of insight into the loss of love and moving on with your life.


Keep us posted and let us know how you are doing.


Peace,

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 3:48pm

your post almost made me cry! i think of the same things... and it is a very difficult time and everyone who has been through this will say the same thing as Wisdom did...it takes time to heal... lots of it. Be patient with yourself and don't rush it... let yourself feel how you need to feel, cry, then move on... it does get less and less... when i cry now i'm usually feeling sorry for myself but i allow it to go on for 10-15 minutes... then i pull myself together. Finding a therapist, a support group, or a trusted friend (with lots of patience!) can be very helpful. Also, the book that Wisdom recommended is very good... i've read it, used it, and it was helpful - painful - but necessary.

are you talking to him at all? if you have children i know that it's very hard to cut him off completely. my XH and i didn't have kids so i cut off communication right from the start. it's very, very hard to do but i felt it was best for me. Turns out i was right... he came around in December, told me he still loved me, wanted to try again...then backed off to the point where i now believe nothing of what he said. no matter how hard it is... not talking at all or limiting it to talk about kids only is beneficial in the long run... and takes a HUGE amount of willpower to do. For me it was about taking control of the situation and of course talking to him would have made me long for something i knew i could never have.

try and stay positive... i would also recommend Debbie Ford's "Spiritual Divorce"... that helped me very much as well

hugs
Ali

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2007
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 7:07pm
I got divorced 11 months ago and the thing that started the road to the happiness I have now is CHOOSING to look at the positive side of things. I know that it can be soo so so so difficult, but if you make yourself smile when you don't feel like it, and you do things that make you happy, whatever it may be. You will start to feel happier every day. Go out and meet new people. Cling to the people that love you and let them be a support system for you. Once I started meeting people and realizing that there are others out there that I could possibly enjoy spending time with and eventually settle down with again someday it made the hurt, pain, and anger slowly fade.
Good luck girl, keep your chin up :)