Crying out for support

Avatar for nerlami
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Crying out for support
4
Sat, 05-17-2008 - 8:18pm

Hi all,


Ive been on here now and then over the last six months or so. My H of 5 yrs dropped the bomb last Oct. telling me he wanted a divorce from out of nowhere.

 

"I've learned
that it is the weak who are cruel,
and that gentleness is to be expected
only from the strong."

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Sat, 05-17-2008 - 9:22pm

I'm sorry to say that you can't "stop" the pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
Sun, 05-18-2008 - 12:00am

I am so sorry you are going through this. Yes, I am in a similar situation where I love a complete selfish jerk and you wonder how you can love someone who treats you this way.


I have been going through this for a little over a month now, and the only thing I can tell you is that time will help a lot. The best thing for you is NO CONTACT with him. The first few weeks, you will be watching the door, the phone, etc. As each day goes by with no stress, you will start to feel a little better. The lonliness sucks though.


How I have gotten through this so far is to plan ahead with things I have always wanted to do but couldn't because I was with my husband and he didn't want to do those things. I started volunteering at a seabird sanctuary and today was my first day. I stayed busy and was around the animals I love, so it made me feel really good. If you have the means, plan a trip to somewhere you've always wanted to go. Do you have a friend who can go with you???


The other thing that is hard, is that he will call you again. I didn't want to believe it, but everyone told me my husband would be knocking on my door. When he started getting nasty about the divorce and threatened me, I had him served. Two minutes after he was served he's e-mailing me asking if there's a way to save the 10 years he's had with me.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's like, these men are such babies. They never seem to want what they have and make impulse decisions. Stay strong and act like you are fine without him. Don't call, e-mail, text, or drive by where he lives. This will throw them for a loop and before you know it, he'll come around wondering who you are going out with.


I wish I had a magic wand to take the pain that everyone is going through in their divorce away. I truly believe that these people though they say they aren't in love anymore are really confused. You can't just shut off feelings like a light switch popular to contrary belief. Just leave him alone and continue with your counseling and therapy.


You do have to have something in mind for when he does show up on your doorstep. Do you love him enough to make the relationship work, or do you move on??? Now that my husband wants to save the marriage after he has been served, I have a big decision to make for myself. One that will affect the rest of my life. It is confusing and it sucks and I sure don't envy your position.


Please continue to post if it will help you to get over this. Hugs!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2008
Sun, 05-18-2008 - 2:02am
I know exactly how you feel right now because i am pretty much going through the same thing you are, I know how you feel, so alone and scared and sad all of the time and think that life isnt worth living right now. me and my wife are separated and are on our way to divorce because she had an affair on me. I too dont have anyone to talk to either, I too miss her so bad, but i know i lost her and its hard to face, we live under the same roof right now but in separate rooms, so that makes it even worse. we also have two kids together. All i can say to you right now is that i know how you feel and keep talking to me about it will make you feel better because it does make me feel better talking to you. I just want you to know i am here for you even if you dont know me at all.
Avatar for nerlami
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 05-19-2008 - 6:29pm

UGH.


Well, he came back again... I sent him a letter sunday morning to get everything off my chest and called him out on all his lying. not in a mean way but just saying he betrayed me and he needs to deal with his stuff someday even if its not with me..... he called me shortly after he got it. At the beginning of the conversation he said he was ready to file for divorce and was done. I told him i wasnt about to fight it any more and i couldnt take the pain. I think that took him back... he is used to me fighting for it.

 

"I've learned
that it is the weak who are cruel,
and that gentleness is to be expected
only from the strong."