Custody?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2005
Custody?
3
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 7:29pm
My fiance and I are no longer together and we have a 3 month old girl together. I was wondering if we had to do anything about custody since we were never married and how do I go about doing it. No one in my family has ever been divorced so I'm not sure where to even begin. He hasn't fought me on me getting full custody of her and I told him that he could see her anytime he wanted to, is that good enough or do we need it written up by a lawyer that I'm her sole guardian? Also, I'm seeing another man, he's actually my ex fiance and we are playing on getting married next year and since he'll be the main one that my daughter sees I was wondering what she should call him. I know I have several more months before she can start speaking but I know I need to start calling him that around her so that she'll know that's his name. I don't want her to call him daddy because that will upset my ex and I understand that,but I don't want her to call him by his name either because that's just sounds disrepectful to me since he'll be her "father figure" I do plan on having a child with this man in a couple of years and I don't want any confusion in the house with one child calling him one thing and the other calling him another. Any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2004
In reply to: mandah86
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 11:36am
I believe that even though you are not married you would should still want to go the whole custody route for yourself in the future. Not that in the future you might have to deal with something but I personally would rather be safe then sorry. You also should do it for child support payments also. If you don't then he has no "obligation" to pay you. If he is not pushing you on it all it won't be that bad to go through. You can probably just talk to a lawyer and see what to do. Some offices have free consultations?? Hope this helps!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: mandah86
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 12:25pm

If you and your child's father are on good terms now... then NOW is the time to formalize a parenting agreement because it will protect EVERYONE'S rights... and responsibilities.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
In reply to: mandah86
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 4:57pm
You absolutely need a custody agreement, regardless of whether you were ever married. Custody agreements and child support has nothing whatsoever to do with marriage. It's about who the parents are of the child, where the child will spend his or her time, and the obligations of both parents to each other and the child going forward. If he is the father, he has a whole host of parental rights that are permanent and very enforceable. Karen's right---do this now while the two of you are getting along. It will only get harder later when you want to marry or he wants to marry, or when the child has expenses for things like healthcare and education.
I remarried when my kids were very young, 3 and 4 I think. They call my dh by a foreign language word for "Dad," which is the same thing our children together call him. I understand your point about the kids using different names for your dh, and I think our arrangement helps build unity in our blended family. The English word "Dad" is reserved for my older children's father. They call their SM by her first name, btw, and it seems to work for everyone.

Cat 

Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7