Custody and Visitation Questions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2006
Custody and Visitation Questions.
2
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 11:13pm

Hi,


I'm in the unfortunate position of extricating myself from a 19 year marriage. I have three children. The youngest is 4. My stbx flies in from Florida (to California) twice a month to see his children. He takes the youngest during the day (while I'm at work and the big boys are at school) and then brings him home in the evening where I proceed to deal with dinner, bath, bedtime etc. He then goes to a friends apt to sleep and returns in the morning to spend the day IN MY HOUSE watching the 4 year old and waiting for me to come home.


He's telling his attorney that he has "custody" of the kids for 6 days out the month. I don't see how that can be called "custody" or any other variation of the word. He watches them in my house, where they eat my food and then I resume care when I walk in the door after a 12 hour shift in the ER. Does anyone know how this is determined? He's trying to reduce his child support based on him "having" the kids for 20% of the time. In what universe?


He's also "telling" me that he intends to take the kids from December 22nd until the afternoon of the 25th. He moves 2500 miles from them and then believes that he should be able to swoop in for Christmas and take them? Once again, in what universe? Does this sound like something a judge will agree with? Our divorce isn't yet final and I'm the parent with sole physical custody.


Any input would be greatly appreciated. I don't see my lawyer until next week and I'm losing a lot of sleep.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 4:05am

Custody is either split, or with you. in this case, it is clearly with you. 20/80 split? yeah yeah. let it daydream, I don't believe it has any credibility.
Even if he took the kids for a whole month, he still would not be able to reduce payments. Your lawyer will confirm this, I am sure. I think you are very level and kind to let him stay at your home!!! this is not a custody review - he is just using visitation rights. Set up a schedule accordingly... usually it is every other week-end, plus one or two nights in the week - that is common visitation. It looks like he is pretty much in line with this - lets see how long he sticks with it.

As for Xmas, usually holidays are done alternating, based upon agreement - one year you would have xmas, he would have NY, the next it is the other way around... that is for the family court to sort through. you could say in court that in the current situation it is important for the children to have stability, and that they should be in their home... but that is up to you and your lawyer to decide. Sometimes it is best to come to a compromise...

Best of luck. and go to sleep... ;) you'll be fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 12:50am

Hi~


I think that he'll find that he can't just swoop and do whatever he wants to do whenever.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~