Custody Arrangements

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Custody Arrangements
26
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 7:30am

I was wondering what other people's custody arrangements are. We've got ladies with

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 12:55pm

Ugh! I always thought it was ME that STBX was avoiding by working long hours and traveling a lot.

Now that he has found a temporary place to live and we are working on visitation ideas, I don't know what to think. We will have joint custody but he will only agree in advance to 4X24 hour periods per months (which is the equivalent of every other weekend but I suggested the flex hours so that A)I would be less likely to be alone for entire weekends and B) because he travels a lot and could never commit to every other weekend) ANd on top of that he is willing to commit to one evening per week.

He says he intends to visit more often, but he is often late or doesn't show up so I can't PLAN anything on those nights.

JMHO, but I don't think that is enough for him, me or them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 1:22pm

"We will be moving 8 hours away in about a month and he says he'll see her on the weekends....he is obviously misinformed about the budget he has to work with once he pays support! I've tried telling him and he doesn't get it."

Just an FYI: If you create the distance between dad and child it is very possible that you could be ordered to pay for 1/2, if not all, of transportation costs. If dad hires an attorney for the divorce and visitation agreement they will surely advise them that this is a very common practice in family courts. If he comes to where you are living you could be ordered to pay 1/2 of his airfare, gas and hotel accomodations. Sometimes it is done on a reimbursement basis and sometimes it is deducted from any CS that is ordered.

Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 4:41pm

I have 100% physical and legal custody.

My ex calls the kids on average everyother Sunday which is pathetic but is more than it used to be. We don't have a visitation schedule at all, he sees the kids about twice a year and although I'd love for him to see them more even those visits are suggested by me and set up by me. If I didn't do that I don't know if the kids would see him at all. They were there for a week over Christmas and they'll be back with him for a month this summer if he can get it all together. He just e-mailed me that he is going to put them in the YMCA day care center. I'm going to let him tell them that. My DD (who will be 11) is going to FLIP. I was thinking more along the lines of summer camp, but I'm letting him handle the stuff that will happen from his end.

As for the legal stuff I make all decisions for the children but that's really nothing new at all. Even when he lived with us he never cared one way or another what I did or didn't do with the kids.

Melanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 8:09pm

Our arrangement is I have physical custody with joint custody. XH is to have her every other weekend and he was to have every Tues and Thurs from 5-8:30 visitation. Well HE QUIT his job in our same town and moved 1hr away. After a couple months he went from 2 visits in a week to 1 visit. Then down to none because he coudln't afford gas (which I totally understand) but he has another kid in this same town as us that he travels here for. He gets every other holiday which he never remembers. Because of this years schedule i have her for spring break from the time she got out of school until the day she goes back which happen to make it 3 weekends in row for me. I offered him the weekend of the 17th but he chose not to take it because they were going out for his sisters birthday. She had surgery and he didn't show up. I then offered him next weds through sunday (his weekend anyway) and she doesn't have school next thurs or fri due to kindergarten round up for next year. He calls me today and wants her. I said NEXT WEEK and he got all pissy I said I told you that and he was still mad. NOT MY FAULT.

But the previous post I wish I would of had that attorney because my XH moved away and I HAVE TO PICK UP MY DD from him at the end of visitation. An hr away waste my gas when it wasn't MY CHOICE for him to move. Why should I have to go and pick her up?!

My X usually drops our DD off with someone so he can go out and he tells me "DD cries when she has to come back to you - why wouldn;t a 5yr little girl want to go home to her mom!" I said probably because she looks forward to seeing you and you drop her off and go out and next thing she knows it is time to go home. I would cry too if I wanted to see my daddy and he ditched me. But his reply is NO - you don't know what the blankety blank you are talking about.

I want him gone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 10:06pm

Well, by some fluke of my attorney (and my not noticing because I was so worried about every other detail).... I have sole custody, rather than joint.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 10:14pm
Actually, I don't use the words divorce or custody..... around my kids!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 8:13am
We have Joint custody. We do a 50/50 vistitation.
The boys spend from 730pm sunday night till 730pm sunday night with each of us.
Often I get them more than my 50% because Dad is busy. I don't mind. I take them when ever I can have them. I also watch them every week day from 5pm to 630pm when ex gets off work.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 11:41am

Joint legal, though I have physical custody. He's military and will be leaving in a week for a military school and then a new duty station in a neighboring state. I'll remain here (his last duty station) at least while I finish my dissertation. I'd like to get a position at the university I'm currently at after finishing my dissertation as I have a child in high school, but if that doesn't pan out I'll look elsewhere in this general region.

We have 'liberal' visitation arrangements between he and the kids and try to accomodate the constraints of his military career.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 4:00pm

Our divorce isn't final yet, but so far the arrangements have been for him to have 2 supervised visits a week at about 3 hours per time. He is allowed 3 times per week at 4 hours per time, but he hasn't taken advantage of that yet. Partly because of the cost of the supervisor and partly because of the schedule of the supervisor.

Prior to getting a professional supervisor, I supervised the visits which were 1 time per week about 3-4 hours per time. Unfortunately, things were apparently still happening, so we (my lawyer) filed to have the court set up official visits and order that they be supervised. I don't like the part where the judge ordered that he get them one day every weekend. It means I can't go anywhere...I have a cabin up in the mountains that I like to go to on weekends in the summer. Not to mention, I am currently on sabbatical where I get 2 months off, and again I can't really go anywhere because he gets to see them 2 times a week.

Our daughters (5 & 2) really like to visit him, but apparently like spending more time with the supervisor than him. It's actually kind of funny...

I won't find out what the final decision will be until after our court date May 9th. Hopefully it will stay this way though (except for the every weekend thing). Maybe every other weekend or I get every 3rd or something? Who knows...

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 9:44pm

I have full physical custody and share legal custody with my xh. When we signed the papers, he did not want holidays, so Father's day is the only one with definite hours written into the agreement--other holidays including the biggies, are written with "liberal visitation"... he was originally supposed to have Joey every other Tuesday (one guaranteed day off at the time) and one weekend night a month...

Of course, this was before he decided to move several states away... He comes into town every so often to see Joey... he was here several weeks ago and stayed at my xil's... Joey was also at my xil's the entire weekend... I was traveling for business at the time... The last time he was here was October and again it was for another weekend and they were both at xil's the entire time... I do try to make sure that they get to spend all the time together they can when he comes to town, but it really is on him... transporation, etc is all his responsibility...

So, what I'm saying here is that I have Joey pretty much all the time, except when xil's take him to give me a break... which they do when they can... I was impressed yesterday though, by xh's interest in hearing more about the school Joey will be attending next year... with his in and out attitude and infrequent phone calls and visitation, I wasn't sure he cared that much... but am trying to give credit where it is due...

*hugs*

Julie