Custody issue, will the judge consider..
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 09-22-2005 - 10:43am |
For those of you who have dealt with the custody/visitation battle, will a judge consider the fact that the father has been out of the childs life for 3 1/2 months and off and on prior to that. I want my ex to have visitation with our son, I want to cooperate.
Im really concerned about how it will affect the baby. Im worried that when it comes time for dad to take him for his visits the baby will not want to go b/c it's like his dad is a stranger right now. Will a judge take that into consideration? One of my friends was saying maybe I could ask that in the beginning the visits take place in a public place where Im there or within eye sight for the baby until the baby gets back in a routine with his dad again.
Do any of you know if something like this can be done. I live in New York. I also have the message of his dad saying he wants nothing to do with the baby, he has other kids. He's now accusing me of keeping the baby from him, can this be used as proof that I was not keeping the baby from him.
Please offer any advice.

You can ask, but I'm not sure if they'll go for supervised since it's only been three months.
I have no intention in trying to hinder the visitation. I want to show that Im and have been trying to encourage the visits but he's been in and out. My son has only known myself and my sister. He has special needs (gets 4 different therapies) and is very allergic to carpeting. Which his dad's house is fully carpeted. My son will be 3 in November. So with his dad being absent so much I dont think he will understand me telling him he's going with "daddy". In his eyes right now he doesnt know who "daddy" is. All I want to do is make the transisition as easy as possible for the baby. Once he's familiar with his dad again then the visits can be extended for longer periods.
His dad has stated in his petition that he doesnt want supervised visits. I dont think he is a harm to the baby but trying to compromise with him in the past has been very unsuccessful. So how do the courts know who's telling the truth if he refuses to do short visits in the beginning.
Do you know if they would allow the message from the answering machine as proof of his statements about the baby.
A reasonable thing to ask the courts is that they give a period of shorter visits until the child has adjusted. This was something that was explained to me. Such a plan may be 6 months of once a week visits for a few hours at a time. Then to extend to entire day visits, and finally to overnights. Of course every judge is different in the way they view these things.
As far as him saying you keep the child from him, it won't sell in court if you can show that whenever he asked for a visit you accepted it or, if you did not accept it, you had good reason such as the child was sick or had a doctor appointment or it interferred with a necessary event that you had preplanned. Also showing that you offered alternative days shows you were cooperative. If he never called to ask for visits, called but didn't show up, or refused to accept another day if offered, it shows he is just creating an unnecessary scene. If you can show that he was at all times able to contact you concerning the child, had your phone number, address or mobil number, he cannot argue you avoided him. If you can show all of these things, it would prove that you have definitely not been preventing him from seeing the child.
Such a plan may be 6 months of once a week visits for a few hours at a time. Then to extend to entire day visits, and finally to overnights.
It seems to me like a lot to say a 6 month reacquaintance period after a 3 month absense.
Also, it could be months before the court would hear this and rule on it, and I'm not sure what the reason is to withhold him seeing his child until then.
State law and precident will determine if the tapes will be allowed.
That's the thing, he never got him that consistently. Maybe twice for overnight visits in a year and a half. As far as him getting for day visits I can count on one hand how many times he has got him.
I dont want to keep the baby from him at all. I just would hope the court would take into consideration the distance between them and not just throw the baby into an 8 hour visit right off the bat ya know. I just would hope there will be a slow ease into the visitation for the baby into realizing who he is again.
We do have to do something about the carpeting issue. The baby is very allergic. My main concern is his emotional stability and security.
I guess what I'm missing is how the court is going to be involved in how/how fast he gets reacquainted with his son.
That's the thing, the court date is next thrusday. My son was in the hospital for his surgery for two days. I told his dad about the surgery, asked him if he was coming, we got into an argument. He's been emotionally abusive and very disrespectful to me.
The last argument we had was almost three months ago when he got mad he couldnt get him on a certain day b/c i had prior plans. He threatened to come to my job for a copy of the baby b.c. and was irate. When I asked him not to he said watch me and he has come to my job before and caused a scene. When he made that remark i told him I can still have a restraining order on you, dont come to my job.
Now he refused to come to the hospital saying I told him I had a restraining order on him and I was trying to get him arrested.
If someone has a restraining order on you, you have to be served with it. So I have tried to let the reacquaintance happen but he has refused and blames it all on me.
He also says he's suing me for all the stuff in the apt. He's very bitter and angry. Im afraid he will go to court next week telling a whole bunch of lies.